All posts by Joseph

Political Rants

One or two things.

Same story. Beat to hell. Oh well….

Pulling a Boehner. Minority leader John Boehner appears to think that the Democratic congress is on the verge of a total government takeover of the private sector, including (gulp) tanning salons, presumably. A little over the top, perhaps? (Even for him?) HELL NO, IT’S NOT!

The triumph of Joe Arpaio. So now if you’re driving while dark in Arizona (or wearing the wrong limos), expect to be carded in a very serious way. Like… show me your birth certificate. (Note to Obama – don’t go there. Something tells me they won’t accept yours as valid.)

Drill, baby, w.t.f. That oil rig explosion in the Gulf last week underlines the hazards of off shore drilling. We should expect a lot more of this sort of thing, now that Obama has signed off on increased drilling. Or… we could push back and remind him that it’s a stupid idea. Never sure what the point is, exactly. There isn’t a real lot of oil in these patches, and what’s there is hard to recover. And in any case, are we going to get if for free or something? No… it’s going to be poured into the world oil market and we’ll have to buy it, just like the stuff from Saudi Arabia or Venezuela. We need to start using less, opting for alternatives, etc.

That’s all I’ve got. Time’s up. More later, friends.

luv u,

jp

Usual Rubbish

Fully confused.


I forget what I’m doing here. Do I live in this dump? What is the purpose of my presence here? WHO IS GOD, ANYWAY??

Oh, sorry, you all. (What, am I southern now?) I was just having one of my difficult moments. That’s a new pastime here at the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill. We each get all dramatic and difficult at least half a dozen times a day, preferably taking turns at it so that the ambient noise doesn’t upset the mongooses trying to sleep on the roof when the sun is hottest around midday. (Are you getting all this down?) Why would we take on such an endeavor? Well, as you know (and this is perhaps the reason why you love us), we are not tremendously successful as a band. No heap big contract. No honking piles of ready cash. No adoring fans dogging our every step. And times being what they are, we thought, well…. if we act like assholes, these things will come our way.

Well… we’ve been doing for a few weeks now, and so far… big fat nothing. Not a sausage. Maybe the magic doesn’t work after all. We had it on pretty good authority. Our cohort Anti-Lincoln hangs with some of the biggest names in the antimatter world entertainment industry – people like Anti-Frank Sinatra and Anti-Melvyn Douglas. (I meant to ask him about Anti-Ed Wood… is he … *gasp* … normal??) They apparently have mad temper tantrums all the time, and it only seems to increase their aura of stardom. It kind of creates a penumbra of mystery around the umbra of famousness. That’s the shit we need, friend – to be sure.

I’ve asked Marvin (my personal robot assistant) to man the parapet and watch for the moment when throngs of admirers begin approaching the gates of the Hammer Mill. He has been dispatching this duty with the usual mixture of doggedness and incompetence. Got to give him credit. With all the hassle those mongooses give him, he keeps up his vigil, no fear. Good man. Good cyborg.

Good grief, is that the time? I’ve got to get all melodramatic again. (I can hear the echoes of the man-sized tuber’s last tirade dying down, and I always go after him.) MITCH?! MITCH MACAPHEE?! WHERE’S MY GOAT CHEESE?!!

Political Rants

Crazytown.

Okay… this really WILL be short takes, because I have zero time to think about this.

Tea Party Rallies. “We want our country back?” Seriously? When did you lose it, exactly? You who appear to be richer, whiter, and more well educated than the rest of us. Last I looked you were doing pretty well. You’ve got a timid Democratic president, a cowardly Democratic congress, and a conservative judiciary. So how does this differ from four years ago when you ran everything? As recently as two years ago, you had a split Senate, the presidency, and a narrow minority in the House. No one has raised your taxes. No one wants your guns. Obama’s going to drill baby drill. W.t.f., come back when you’ve got something to complain about.

Palintology. Speaking of tea parties, Sarah Palin strikes me like some annoying neighbor up the street who has a voice like a grammar school bugle (as well as an upcoming show on Animal Planet that I encourage you to join Defenders of Wildlife in protesting.) I would say she annoys me, but I know that’s the whole point of her – annoying leftists – so I refuse to cooperate. So instead I’ll just say…. HOWDY, NEIGHBOR! Or should I give a nod to Jello Biafra and just say, “SIEG HOWDY!”? 

Help yourself. Looks like ACORN got punked. Big surprise there. A group that works with poor people, helping them register to vote and make ends meet in some of the most impoverished communities in America. What a perfect target for right-wing screwballs! Of course, the famed videos were creatively edited (that jerk-ass pseudo journalist wasn’t wearing his pimp getup and exculpatory footage was deliberately excised). But no matter – success was had, mainly because the useless thing that passes for a party of the left (with a handful of honorable exceptions) would not rise in their defense (since they mostly represent bankers). Lesson: The right wins when the left folds. Want to win? Stop folding.

That’s all I’ve got. I’m freaking tired.

luv u,

jp