All posts by Joseph

Usual Rubbish

Part deux.

So, as I was saying…. What was I saying again? Can’t keep track, frankly. Give me a moment to page back through my previous utterances. Ah, yes. A day in the life.

5:30 p.m. Sifting through the mountain of complaints I’ve received after posting the last blog. Seems like people don’t like hearing blow-by-blow descriptions of how we spend our time. Strange… because even though it seems that way, I remain convinced that they do care. Maybe it’s the Zenite snuff sFshzenKlyrn plied me with earlier, I don’t know.

6:47 p.m. A noise begins drifting up from the basement. At first I think it may be some kind of diseased creature, wandered in through the sewer lines in search of sweet revenge. As I move closer to the stairwell, however, I realize it’s just my comrades tuning up for another rehearsal. Why don’t they ever tell me about these rehearsals? (Perhaps they announce them at the band meetings that… I never… attend…. oh, yeah.)

7:01 p.m. Rehearsal’s over. Man, that was taxing! Almost as much so as that new tax on beer and wine. Oh my God – those madmen in Albany…. what are they doing to us?!? How am I EVER going to come up with another 1-1/2 cents to spend on a six pack? It’s MADNESS!!!

9:50 p.m. There’s a hole in the living room wall. Not an ordinary hole, mind you – a hole into another dimension. Marvin (my personal robot assistant) ran across it while he was doing the tidying up. (He doubles as one of those robotic vacuum cleaners – pretty versatile.) Don’t know how it got there, but my guess is that this is the result of some experiment Mitch Macaphee, our mad science adviser, has been working on. Lot of racket, noxious fumes, and heavy vibrations coming from his makeshift lab, just lately. Must have landed himself a grant somewhere.

10:15 p.m. This just in – Anti-Lincoln has wandered into the trans-dimensional wormhole in the living room. God, I hate when he does that!

That’s one Lincoln out the door. Good thing we’ve got a spare.

Political Rants

Bone picking.

I don’t know who (if anyone) reads these posts (aside from me-self…. and me wife), but there might … just might… be one or two of you out there who think I go a little easy on the Obama administration. Yes, I know – I seemed a bit more eager to take a few swings at his predecessor’s administration (alongside millions of others), and most of them were richly deserved. And yes, I did vote for Obama and not (repeat, NOT) for George W. Bush. But hell, we’re just getting started here in Obama-time, and I’ve got more than a few bones to pick with what’s been happening thus far. Let’s start with the b’s….

Bank bailout. Okay, it took some suspension of disbelief, but most of us were able to convince ourselves that the $700 billion sluiced into the coffers of some of our largest financial institutions was solely the responsibility of the Bush administration. Yes, it was their idea (in response to their massive fiscal crisis), but there were plenty of democratic hands on the lever for that one. Now that we’re a solid six months down the road, it’s becoming clear that this business of floating too-big-to-fail banks and insurance companies on oceans of public cash is becoming some kind of model for how to get us out of trouble. The banking “stress test” results were made public today, and it looks like some of the biggies are in line for another infusion. But don’t worry – Tim Geithner says we won’t be involved in the banks on a decision-making level. (Just because we’re paying for them, doesn’t mean we’re going to own them.)

Barack-O – fire this loser, give Summers his pink slip, and get some reasonable people on board, like Paul Krugman, Robert Pollin, and Jim Galbraith. To hell with these Wall Street punks.

Afghani-Pakistan. Okay, this worries me. After months of hearing both administrations complain that the Pakistanis were not doing enough to take the fight to the Taliban, they appear to be doing what “we” asked them to do… and killing lots of civilians in the process, as well as creating a massive outflow of refugees. Though rare as hen’s teeth, I did hear a good segment on NPR’s Morning Edition the other day – an interview with two Pakistani fiction writers, who pointed out that Pakistan’s larger cities are being choked with homeless young people displaced by the fighting. These young Pakistanis are often sought out by religious zealots, who provide them with some base comforts and – perhaps – build on their resentment against the government (and its U.S. paymasters) who rendered them homeless in the first place. Like the Iraqi refugee populations in Jordan and Syria, no good will come of this.

Obama-man: Rethink this policy. Being on the side of a rampaging military is probably not the best idea at this time (or any time).

That’s all I’ve got. Tune in next time… for more cheap advice for the big guy.

luv u,

jp

Usual Rubbish

Freaktastic.

Bit rushed at the moment. Be with you in just a tick. One, mississippi. Two, mississippi. Okay… two ticks.

Yeah, I know – we’re all busy, right? Well, until you’ve walked a mile in my shoes. (Or a few yards, even.) Big Green may seem like a bunch of slackers, but let me tell you… we’re…. anything… snxxxxx….. Oh, sorry. Drifted off there. Walking a mile in my shoes can get to be a tiring business. Here’s what we’re up against on a typical day:

6:00 a.m. – Snoring loudly. Man-sized tuber sends his daily complaint email to the codes department; still no response after five years, but… he’s a plant, okay? Takes a little learning to get an idea into his fibrous head. But I digress.

8:15 a.m. – Band meeting. Only Marvin (my personal robot assistant) shows up. Which is fitting, because he schedules the meetings unbeknown to the rest of us. As we sleep in our various sections of the mill, Marvin sits at an empty wooden table in the old forge room, making whirring and clicking sounds for about 45 minutes before moving along to his next scheduled duty.

10:45 a.m. – Up and at ’em, as they used to say. At least where I’m concerned. Matt’s been out feeding the birds, beavers, and other assorted creatures since about 5:00 a.m. (Did I leave that out?) John is out feeding the squirrels. I’m feeding myself at the breakfast table, sitting across from a very grizzly looking Mitch Macaphee (resident mad scientist). Another experiment gone wrong, by the look of him.

12:17 p.m. – A quick run around the park. Exercise? Heaven forefend! No sir, it’s me running away from that guy who’s been trying to serve us with an eviction notice for the last five years. This happens almost anytime I nip out to the store for Necco Wafers or the like. ‘Round the part we go, several times, until he tires. Now, this wouldn’t happen if they’d merely accept alternative currency in payment…. like, I don’t know…. Necco Wafers, perhaps? Would such a humble offering once again save the Cheney Hammer Mill from the wrecking ball? Can’t say. Out of breath.

3:45 p.m. – Cantaloupes! Hundreds of them left on our doorstep by parties unknown. We were just about to go into our makeshift studio and work on some makeshift songs, and now this! We decide to task the Lincolns (posi- and antimatter) with disposing of them properly. I’m hoping this won’t result in bushel-loads of melon balls. Hate them things.

5:08 p.m. – Writing the ludicrous blog entry for the week. Not sure who reads this shit, but whoever it is… god bless ’em, anyway. Pressing publish…. NOW. Freak-tastic!