All posts by Joseph

The little corporal.

I guess by now everybody knows about how many houses John McCain owns, even if he seems to be a little unclear on the subject. And it’s likely that even I know by now who Obama’s running mate will be (my guess: Pat Paulson). Call me morbid, but my mind is more focused on what appears to be a strong indication of how a President McCain might be expected to rule the American empire. His stance and rhetoric on the Georgian conflict have been jaw-droppingly bellicose – torn as they may be from the playbook of paid Georgian lobbyist (and former Rumsfeld advisor… and former Chalabi promoter) Randy Scheunemann, one of McCain’s chief advisors, they represent a side of the candidate that has been chillingly consistent for as long as he’s been in public office: a knee-jerk preference for military force. As much as he’s milked his own wartime experience and mouthed platitudes about the horrors of war, McCain has been fully on-board with virtually every invasion, attack, bombing run, etc., we’ve undertaken since his return home from Hanoi. He apparently has never met a war he didn’t like.

Now the admiral appears to be drawing a line in the Caucasus, calling this the first serious crisis of the post cold war era. I’m not sure what creeps me out more – the notion that he actually believes that to be true, or the fact that no one seems to recognize that it’s crazy talk. Actually, I think the second part is scarier. We’ve really reached kind of a sad day in America when, in the wake of five years of pointless bloody war in Iraq, we don’t recoil violently from the kind of blather that’s emanating from McCain and his neocon colleagues. Remember that McCain has taken a position distinctly to the right of the Bush administration on this. In light of the fact that we’ve been stoking up Georgia’s military for years, under both Bush and Clinton, and that both Bush and McCain have been pushing to make Georgia part of NATO, it’s a little disconcerting to know that this man who would be president is willing to turn this dispute into a full-blown confrontation between ourselves and Russia, still possessed of thousands of ICBMs (real ones, not the imaginary kind Bush officials keep referring to in places like Iran).

So anyway… let’s see a show of hands. Who wants to die or send their child to die over a dispute between Russia and Georgia about a region that most Americans can’t even pronounce let alone find on a globe? Anyone? Honestly, I have to think the numbers are pretty low. And yet… why do I keep hearing that McCain is more trusted on national security and foreign policy than is his opponent? The man has neocon-fueled Napoleonic delusions about putting Russia in its place. He clings to a war that never should have been fought, and seems more than eager to start yet another. He referred to Iraq as “phase II” of the War on Terror back in 2001, working with the administration to link that country to the anthrax attacks on the basis of no evidence whatsoever. He has been dangerously wrong on pretty much every major foreign policy issue of the last decade. This man is more qualified?

Note to the Obama campaign: take a page out of LBJ’s book. He rightfully painted Goldwater as a dangerous extremist. McCain has done half of that job for you…. take it from there, folks.

luv u,

jp

Word is “move.”

No, I haven’t seen your bass drum case. What do I look like, some kind of servant? By the way, where’s my line mixer? What? No… actually, you don’t look like a servant. Why do you ask?

Oh, sorry, friends. Just trying to get ahead of things here at the Cheney Hammer Mill. We’ve got that Aldebaran gig moving up on us fast – sure, sure, the date hasn’t been set yet, but we’ve still got to be ready to go at a moment’s notice. What the hell, it’s 65 light years away for chrissake, plus or minus. So if our friends over at Loathsome Prick Records call us tomorrow and say the gig is next Thursday, we’re going to need every minute. (Every single minute. No doubles, just singles.) And that’s just the travel time. We’re also going to need to give our mad science adviser, Mitch Macaphee, a brief interval to invent some means of getting us up there.

What about our various space crafts, you ask? The ones that have carried so far and so faithfully over the course of previous tours? Well…. therein lies a tale. I’ll spare you the painful details… suffice to say that they have fallen into a woeful state of disrepair. I wouldn’t drive either of them to our favorite convenience store, let alone out to Aldebaran. (Of course, to be fair, my favorite convenience store is on the planet Zenon, home of our sit-in guitarist, sFshzenKlyrn.) Guess I’ll have to come up with a different spot to buy my “smokes”, eh? (Don’t smoke… just buy ’em. It’s a shopping addiction. Long story.)

What kind of transportation device is Mitch working on? Well, well… You ever heard of anti-gravity panels? You have? Good… because it has nothing to do with those. No, what Mitch is looking at right now is something called the “space elevator”. From what I understand, that’s where you throw some kind of line up into the great beyond, attach it to… I don’t know, an asteroid or something… then slide upstairs in some kind of pressurized cable car conveyance. Anyway, that’s the theory. What Mitch wants to do is to apply laser or particle beam technology to this principle (as others have attempted to do), so that we can eliminate the step of securing the other end of this mythical cable. Because after all – if we can get up there to anchor the thing… why the hell do we need the “thing” in the first place? (Logic…. an irresistible force, to be sure. )

Anyway, that’s where we’re at. And thanks to the efforts of Marvin (my personal robot assistant) and our erstwhile law firm, Lincoln, Anti-Lincoln, Tuber, and Zamboola (still no jingle), we’ve gotten Loathsome Prick’s logo off of our goddamned album, in favor of our own “HammerMade” imprint. Progress, Mr. Greer.

What nations do.

“This isn’t 1968.”

That was Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice just before embarking on her diplomatic mission to Georgia (the Republic of), to carry a cease fire agreement and presumably get a first-hand look at the smoldering ruins of yet another brilliant foreign policy initiative, this time played out in the region of her supposed expertise. If she was at all aware of the irony in her statement, she certainly gave no hint of it. She was, of course, referring to the USSR’s invasion of Czechoslovakia (a country still very much in John McCain’s world atlas) as a means of calling out Russia on its brutal violation of a neighboring nation’s sovereignty. In her eagerness to link present-day Russia with the Soviet invasion of four decades ago, she appears to have forgotten somewhat more recent history… like her own administration’s invasions of Iraq and Afghanistan and subsequent occupation of both countries; like the deaths of hundreds of thousands of Iraqis and the displacement of millions as a result of said invasion. If her point is, as she put it, that it is no longer acceptable for nations to behave in this way, this new order must be a very recent development. News of it has yet to reach Washington.

Because she is not technically “stupid,” I assume what she’s saying is that nowadays only the United States can act as though we own the world and can invade any country we want without provocation. This comports with the “what we say goes” principle articulated by her husb… I mean, her boss’s father some 17 years ago or so. Of course, there are many ways in which this is quite a bit like 1968. If you cast your mind back to that awful year, you might ask yourself if the Soviets were the only ones rampaging through a sovereign country. The answer would be, well, not as such. Our military was in the fourth year of a far more brutal invasion of Vietnam, reducing that nation and its immediate neighbors to “a land of ruin and wreck”, as Arthur Schlesinger put it, with an expeditionary force of more than half a million and the most devastating campaign of sustained aerial bombing in history. We now appear to be just as stuck in Iraq as we were in Southeast Asia in 1968, for reasons every bit as illegitimate.

It’s not surprising to hear our leaders speaking arrogantly or ignorantly – or with a presumption of ignorance on our parts. Nor is it surprising to hear a hallelujah chorus of pundits, journalists, and pols deploring this notion of invading another country while never once referring to the Iraq exemption. (Aggravating, but not surprising.) What did sort of astound me over the past few days was the impossibly ham-fisted timing of our pact with the Polish government to base “missile defense” (a.k.a. “defense contractor defense”) within their national territory, something the Russians (and many Poles) deplore. I truly believe the administration hopes for war to break out – that seems to work for them. No one could be that incompetent. (Or… could they… ?) I think back to Israel’s attack on Lebanon two years ago, when Condi Rice and company were actually blocking a cease fire. The bombing and abortive invasion were the “birth pangs” of a new Middle East, we were told then. Perhaps Russia will argue with similar conviction that their overreaction in Georgia amounts to the birth pangs of a new Southeastern Europe.

Hey – Russia was invaded twice in the last century, and they’re still a little sensitive to adversarial military alliances on their borders. Maybe we should be trying to ratchet this down a little… before somebody else gets hurt, eh?

luv u,

jp