Category Archives: Political Rants

Hand washing.

March 6, 2020 Joseph

What happened to all the hot water? What the fuck, man. There’s no soap, and the hand towel is missing. This place!

Well, friends, like most of America, all members of the Big Green collective are ready for the onslaught of the dreaded Corona virus. That is to say, we’re as ready as anyone else around these parts. That means a lot of hand washing, and nearly as much hand-wringing. Sometimes it’s possible to combine the two, so long as you use liquid soap. It’s a little hard to wring your hands with gusto when there’s a bar of Ivory in the way. Of course, you can never be too careful. Even Marvin (my personal robot assistant) is obsessively dunking his hands in the sink. And when I say “hands”, I mean rudimentary claws. He’s a robot, you see.

We’re trying not to obsess about this thing. I know that seems unAmerican, but that’s just the Big Green way. That said, I can tell you that anti-Lincoln is deeply depressed by this whole thing – much more so than anyone else in our circle of acquaintance. Is he a high-risk individual? Well … no, not for the virus. It appears that he’s despondent over the drop in the stock market. He was working with Mitch Macaphee, our mad science advisor, on some complex variety of derivative, one built on debt value that increases as time moves backwards. (Yes, I know … that sounds impossible, but that’s why he needs Mitch.) Apparently he’s been pouring money into this financial instrument with the intention of making himself rich back in the 1860s. It’s kind of like a money portal, sending gold back in time. Wild!

Well, that didn’t work out well for anti-Lincoln. That’s what he gets for playing the damned market. He should remember what happened to Lincoln during the panic of 1857. (Indeed he should … because I don’t. At least he was there … in a sense.) To cheer him up, I tried to interest him in the upcoming St. Patrick’s Day parade. My suggestion was that he pull together some kind of parade float. Maybe it could be shaped like a log cabin and made out of discarded government cheese. Or …. maybe something else. Now, he never showed any interest in St. Patrick’s Day, but he has always been fond of drinking, so there’s a chance he’ll drown his sorrow once the Grand Marshall strikes up the band down on main street.

Knock yourself out, anti-Lincoln! Just stay about three feet clear of everyone else in the parade, and you’ll be just fine.

Political Rants

Proof of concept.

March 6, 2020 Joseph

I won’t pretend I’m not disappointed by the “Super Tuesday” results. All night, the thing that kept ringing in my ears was the memory of Tom Brokaw back in 1984 saying, “Looks like another good night for Walter Mondale,” and just how nauseating that moment felt. Tuesday was a similarly nauseating experience, except that, if anything, I have less confidence in Biden as a candidate than I did in Mondale. I should say here that I am no stranger to political disappointment; very, very rarely does my first choice candidate rise to the top. That’s partly a function of my being to the left of the Democratic party, but it’s also due to the fact that I do not have a deep connection to the party as an institution.

Like most institutions, the Democratic party favors some people over others for leadership positions within the party. That dynamic pushes forward senior, well-connected, establishment politicians – people like Biden, Hillary Clinton, Mondale, Hubert Humphrey, etc. – regardless of their relative talents, ability to connect with voters, etc. With regard to the presidential race, more often than not, they prevail, and when they prevail, more often than not, they lose in the general. Obama was an insurgent who became the establishment – he didn’t start at the top. Hillary was favored to win in 2016 because it was her turn; she lost on her own merits, or lack of same. Biden is being advance for the same reason – it’s his turn. It’s far from obvious that he’s the strongest candidate to go up against Trump, but that, it seems, is an afterthought for party leaders.

All that said, Bernie should have performed better Tuesday night. Which proves the obvious: grassroots organizing is hard, tremendously hard. No one even pretends that Biden has a grassroots activist organization – nothing of the sort. Bernie does, but they missed the mark on Tuesday, for the most part. A candidate like Bernie can only prevail if he has a mass movement behind him. What he’s proposing from a policy standpoint is reliant on the existence of such a movement. Bernie is quite frank about that. Without the movement, there’s no Sanders presidency and no Sanders agenda. So these primaries amount to proof of concept at some level. If he can’t build the support now, it wouldn’t be there for him later. His agenda cannot succeed on the basis of a narrow win against Trump. We need a progressive wave, and thus far, it hasn’t materialized.

My hope is that the movement does rise in time to put Bernie over the top. But if it doesn’t, make no mistake – we will still need the movement for what’s ahead of us. Our survival as a species depends on it.

luv u,

New podcast drops

I’ve launched a new political commentary podcast called Strange Sound. It’s free, it’s brief, and it’s available now at anchor.fm/strangesound.

Political Rants

The last war.

February 28, 2020 Joseph

On various occasions over the past week or two I’ve felt like I was tele-transported back into the mid-twentieth century. It started with MSNBC host Chris Mathews during a broadcast in New Hampshire spouting some crazy-ass rant about revolutionaries from Castro’s Cuba executing him in Central Park as American leftists – including Bernie Sanders – looked on approvingly. He later went full retrograde pundit, comparing Sanders’ victory in Nevada to the Nazis overrunning French defenses at the start of World War II. Then, this past week, Bernie Sanders’s comments about literacy programs in Cuba somehow became a central issue in the Democratic primary campaign, hoisted high by the “liberal” cable outlet MSNBC as evidence of Bernie’s unelectability and nefarious socialistic tendencies. The crew on Morning Joe jokingly addressed one another as “comrade”, jumping up and down on Sanders for being a Castro apologists, then – practically in the same breath – remembered the late dictator Hosni Mubarak as a source of stability in a troubled region. Can’t. make. it. up.

Now mind you, it isn’t like the MSNBC crew (and others) needed to resort to fighting the last war to properly bash Bernie. Their hair was on fire in the wake of Nevada particularly, and they are using what influence they have to trip him up in South Carolina, where their peculiar favorite Biden is favored to win. But resort they did, and in so doing, they (with some notable exceptions) revealed just how steeped in right-wing historical narratives their correspondents remain. I expect nothing better from Scarborough, a former right-wing congressman from Florida, but frankly one would hope that more than a handful of these journalists might acknowledge the neo-colonial relationship we’ve had with Caribbean and Central American nations over the past Century.

Comparing Cuba with the United States is a meaningless exercise. The former is a small, poor, underdeveloped country; the latter, a global superpower and the richest nation on Earth. A more apt comparison would be between Cuba and Guatemala or El Salvador, as these examples are also poor and underdeveloped, but remained in the U.S. sphere of influence, unlike Cuba post 1959. Compare literacy rates, the availability of health care, and other social goods, and trust me, Cuba is head and shoulders above the other two for the vast majority of their respective populations, despite Cuba having endured a crushing U.S. embargo (in addition to all-out terror) since its revolution sixty years ago. It’s also worth remembering that Cuba stood firmly on the side of Angola and the ANC throughout the 1970s and 1980s, when we were actively supporting apartheid South Africa. That’s why Raul Castro was honored so lavishly at Nelson Mandela’s funeral – they, more than any other nation, brought about the end of apartheid, and it cost them dearly.

I think Majority Report’s Michael Brooks had it right on Wednesday when he said that, given Cuba’s status as a cash-starved country under sustained attack for six decades, we could be excused for not obsessing over its authoritarian tendencies when we’re perpetually giving a nearly free pass to powerful, massively abusive authoritarian countries like China (as Bloomberg and CBS debate moderators did this past Tuesday).