How does this sound for a robot voice? “I am not a crook!” What? Well, yes, that IS my Nixon voice, but I’m doing a Nixon robot, remember? How is that supposed to sound, for crying out loud?
Oh, hello out there in Real Worldia. No, this isn’t another pointless argument about some instrument none of us plays. We’re just getting ready to record another episode of our Star Trek parody, Ned Trek, now in its 19th episode, featured on our monthly (or near-monthly, at least) podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN. Not to give away any trade secrets, but I do the voice of the Nixon android, an automaton who holds the entire personal and political history of Richard Milhous Nixon in his memory banks. Likes a good stiff drink every once in a while, Nixon does.
Don’t know if you’ve heard the show, but assuming you haven’t, I’ll give you some idea of what it’s all about. We take an episode or two of the original Star Trek series and mash it up, replacing the main characters with the following cast members:
- Willard Mittilius Romney, Captain of the Free Enterprise
- Mr. Ned, the talking dressage horse, Romney’s first officer
- Dr. Tom Coburn, ship’s southern-fried surgeon
- Lt. Richard Pearle, famed neocon and basically a pain in everyone’s ass
- Mr. Welsh, chief engineer and accent troll
- Mr. Sulu, helmsman, holdover, and yes, THAT Mr. Sulu
The ship is part of the Confederation of Planets, a dystopian variation of the Star Trek regime, in that it is a grasping, rapacious, hegemonic imperial force bent on exploitation of every planet to within an inch of its life. And, of course, the comedic possibilities that arise from such an entity.
What else? About every other episode we manage to slip a few songs into the mix. The episode we’ll be recording this week will be one of those. Crew members will break into song at random intervals. This is basically our creative output in this stage of Big Green’s lifecycle. What follows this? Compost!
Of course, they already had their hair on fire about Obama’s foreign policy, particularly with regard to the Middle East. Once again, the alarm bell is cranked up to eleven … like it was for the capture of the Benghazi jihadist, and for the the Bergdahl deal, and for pretty much every thing that happens anywhere, every day of the week. Not sure why we should listen to people like Dan Senor, or John McCain, or Bill Kristol, or anyone else still on television after having been so fantastically wrong on what they were supposed to be experts about, but we keep hearing from them anyway. Go back into Iraq, they say … it’s the only way to keep the country from falling apart.
Oh, hi. Sorry about my outburst there. No, I wasn’t having an argument with my illustrious brother Matt, I was just rehearsing for our conversation later on today. I know it may seem strange, but I have to rehearse for just about everything that occurs in my life. Which is even stranger, in fact, because I almost never rehearse for gigs. In fact, you might describe me as downright hostile to the idea. (As a friend once famously said, “Rehearsal is just a crutch for cats who can’t blow.”)