Scatology.

That’s right, it’s “crab nebula”. What does it mean? How the hell should I know? What am I, some kind of astronomer or something?

Jesus Christ on a bike (which he may well could have been, had he lived in modern times), your brother goes and writes a song lyric and the next thing you know people expect you to tell them what the Sam Hill it means. If I knew that, then I would know what the hell Matt is talking about half the time when he talks … and I clearly don’t, even though he is my own flesh and blood. He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother. It’s his songs that are heavy. Mucho heavy, baby.

What song am I being asked about? Well, it’s one of the tracks on our forthcoming album … I mean, collection, entitled Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick. (Rumor has it the songs are part of the soundtrack of a musical about our cousin Rick Perry, but that the musical itself was lost over the side of a pleasure craft on Lake Tahoe.) The song in question is called “Evening Crab Nebula”, and it takes the form of three pieces of sage advice to Cousin Rick from one of his political consultants; one pep talk regarding his primary opponents; one cautionary trope about unseating a president; and this observation about the dangers of being too devout in your beliefs:

If you’re gonna’ follow that evening star
better be sure how wise you are
If you’re gonna’ follow that evening star
better not follow it all too far
or you’ll be choked and froze in the vacuum of space
Can’t treat the Crab Nebula
like it’s there to direct yuh
by pointing out some pertinent
biblical place

Now is that so hard to decipher? Well, of course it is. All political advice is that way, right? That’s why those consultants get the big bucks. (Where have I heard that lyric before? Hmmmm….)

Ripped from the heads.

This is just another survey of current issues in the news – don’t mind me. Tired, can’t focus.

Best friend
Some best friend you got there, doggy.

The Koreas. Yes, there are two of them. And yes, there was a war. But that’s about all Americans know about the Korean peninsula except that “North Korea started the war!” and “Kim Jong Sombody is crazy!” Meanwhile, we are flying stealth bombers and stealth fighters and nuclear armed B52s over South Korea in ostentatious demonstrations of force, using some of the very same aircraft that once turned the North into an apocalyptic hellscape. Earth to Obama: There is no military solution to this problem. You’ve got a State Department full of diplomats – send a few over to fashion a treaty with the North, and this will stop being a problem.

K-9 abuse. A few weeks ago, when the latest gun nut incident took place in nearby Herkimer, the State Police used a dog to sniff out the suspect in an abandoned building. The dog was shot dead, as you may have heard. Since then there have been several news stories about K-9 patrols, how the police care about them, etc. Bullshit. These animals should never, ever be put in harm’s way in this manner. There was no reason to sacrifice that dog for the sake of capturing this suicidal dead-ender who had nowhere to go but jail or the grave. I think the police lose sight of the fact that, for all their utility, working dogs are dependent upon humans for their welfare. They are, in essence, like toddlers in that they are trusting, inquisitive, and unable to make their own decisions. They rely on us to keep them from needlessly sacrificing themselves.

Rule of thumb: If you wouldn’t allow a young child to do something, don’t ask a dog to do it either.

Debt Patrol. Egyptians may have thought things were going from bad to worse over the last couple of years. Now the IMF has pulled into town, and the likelihood is that their misery has just begun. Mubarak had already substantially “liberalized” the country’s economy. Now their foreign reserves are extremely low, thanks in part to years of political upheaval and disruptions in tourism and other industries. Next stop, the Bolivia / Argentina treatment. One would hope that, once they’ve endured some of that, they will follow South America’s lead and break free of the global neoliberal institutions of economic control that have led so many to the land of misery.

luv u,

jp

Enter the pod.

The thing is, you have to take a crowbar to the lid, like this. Unggh. Unggggh. Arrrgh! Okay, that’s harder than it looks.

Visual Approximation of Podcast
Visual Approximation of Podcast

Oh, hi, stalwart friends of Big Green. It is I, Joe of Big Green. Just caught me in the process of trying to get the lid off of the latest episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN, our very popular (in the plant kingdom) monthly podcast, just posted over the last couple of days and ready for download. We want to give people an idea of what they can expect when they download this sucker – all 1 hour and 45 minutes of it, or thereabouts. Wouldn’t want you having to cope with a pig in a poke, especially a porker of those dimensions. You have a right to know what’s in that great big bag of stupid… and know you shall.

Here’s what’s included in March Fiendraiser 2013 (our bogus fundraising episode), to wit:

Ned Trek VIII: The Corn of Ozark Five – Captain Willard Mittillius Romney and First Officer Mr. Ned (the talking dressage horse) are invited down to a little get-together with Louie Gomert, governor of Ozark Five … only to find their commander thrown into a titanic battle, mano-a-mano, with a hideous creature from beyond space already. Introduced by former Secretary of State and War Criminal at Large, Dr. Henry Kissinger.

Put The Phone Down – Our monthly gab session covering a range of topics, from birthday wishes to the entire universe, this month in dead famous people, strange reappearances, and so on. We also shake the tin cup for financial support. Or at least moral support. (We have even less morals than we do financials.)

Previously Unreleased Big Green tracks – We toss up three recordings like skeet and invite you to blow them to bits with your pump rifle of music criticism (talk about tortured metaphors!). Two demos from our 2008 International House album project; one that didn’t make it onto the final album, a song called Round Up; the second a demo version of Matt’s song Come Back Home. There is also a new, first-draft recording of a song we used to play in our terrestrial live performance days – a song called The Milkman Lives.

So listen in good health, friends. As always, let us know what you think … even before you think it.

 

Weird ass music since 1986