Lunar new year.

Hey, what the…? Did I sign off on that? Are you sure? Well, I guess you would know better than I. Wouldn’t you? RRRrrrrr….

Face it, we’ve got bad quality control here at the Cheney Hammer Mill. Was a time that not a single hammer went out of here with unsightly flashing or a splinter out of place in their ironwood handles. Not so with Big Green, it pains me to say. We are not perfect – ADMIT IT TO YOURSELF. It’s just because we’ve got irons in so many fires. Too many spoons in the stew. Eleven toes on each foot. I don’t know – you pick the metaphor. I’ve got work to do.

Nah, see… Marvin (my personal robot assistant) posted our March episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN, our podcast, before I had had a chance to listen to it. We could be saying ANYTHING, for chrissake. If we had reputations or integrity, we could lose either (or both). There are some advantages to general slovenliness and moral degeneration, but I’ve only just thought of one of them, so…. there can’t be too many. Anyway, it’s out there, warts and all – another wide ranging discussion between Matt and I, discussing everything from the death of Davy Jones and Andrew Breitbart, to Star Trek mythology, to things too obscure to describe in print. Freakish, that’s all I can say. Plus three more songs from Rick Perry – a 70s-pop lament tentatively called “Rick: The Searchable Name”; a doggerel called “Really Rick Perry”, and a primitive rock number entitled, simply, “Santorum”.

Okay, well … that’s done. Now, to our new commission – that of spearheading the efforts of former House Speaker Newt Gingrich in his efforts to conquer and rule the moon. He got our names from George W. Bush, no doubt. We have been in the dubya rolodex ever since he went on tour with us back in 2000, which led to our taking on an advisory position in the early (pre-9/11) Bush White House. (We were in charge of his Space Commission, based on our long history in…. well…. space.) Hey… nothing succeeds like success. Except perhaps failure, in our case. Anywho, the first thing Newt has asked us to do – aside from grease the diplomatic wheels with any people found on the moon – is to write a national anthem for our nearest neighbor in space. One that duly celebrates his initiative, his genius, and (he also says) his modesty.

So, well…. Matt and I have to get to work on this. Perhaps John can work up some pedal steel parts. We’ve got stuff to do, Marvin – don’t bother me with trifles! (Unless they’re the tasty dessert kind.)

To health in a handbasket.

The Affordable Care Act (what Republicans contemptuously refer to as “Obamacare”) goes before our brilliant Supreme Court this week. Given that the law does yeoman service to preserving the private health insurance industry in America and is therefore a friend to the almighty Corporation, one might expect them to turn back the constitutional challenges on that basis alone. There are, of course, stronger constitutional arguments in favor of the plan – David Cole runs through them in The Nation much more fluently than I could ever attempt to do. I think, though, that we have to see these challenges for what they are, not for an effort to secure something called “economic freedom” which G.O.P. presidential candidates regularly invoke but fail to define.

The challenges are, of course, a cynical delaying tactic and an effort to procure through other means what the Republicans failed to achieve through the legislative process. They have attempted to put a log in the spokes of this effort from the very beginning, despite the fact that the legislation we ended up with is precisely the kind of health reform their party has been advocating for decades. Aside from a slight expansion of those covered by Medicaid, under this legislation health insurance remains in the private sector. Outside of Medicare, Medicaid, and the VA, no one will have government health insurance unless they’re covered by a state plan. So the Republicans’ charge of a “government takeover of health care” is a transparent lie.

I don’t think the AFA is the best solution. I think we should have Medicare for all, expanded sufficiently to eliminate the need for so-called “Medigap” coverage. It would work better, be more efficient, bring better outcomes, and likely cost a great deal less than what we have now. Nevertheless, the AFA has some virtues; it has helped some people keep their coverage. Perhaps most importantly, it establishes the principle of national health insurance – one that we can hopefully build upon in the years to come.

The attack on the personal mandate is laughable, frankly. I’m starting to think that Americans – even though we live in the land of a billion insurance policies – simply do not understand the basic concept of insurance. “I don’t see why I should pay the medical bills of some drunk who sits around watching T.V. all day,” a neighbor of mine once griped. (He’s on Medicare.) Thing is, we already do pay for that guy. If he has no coverage and ends up in the hospital – as pretty much all of us eventually do – ultimately the bill goes to us. It’s a question of how we cover these costs.

People bridle at the notion of government forcing us to purchase something. But (like it or not), government has the right to tax us, correct? The health mandate says, buy a policy; if you can’t afford it, we’ll subsidize you. If you can afford it and refuse, you pay a tax. The fact is, the government is basically taxing everyone to provide universal coverage. Buy a policy and you get out of paying the tax. That’s not forcing you to do anything: you don’t have to buy insurance. But if you want the tax break, that’s what you’ve got to do. What’s unconstitutional about that?

Republicans say they have an alternative, and indeed they do: absolutely nothing. If there’s one thing you can say unequivocally about the AFA, it’s that it is better than nothing.

luv u,

jp

Fruit cup.

These are indeed auspicious days to be Big Green. What the hell am I talking about? I was hoping you would know, good browser.

Yes, just hanging about at the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill, assembling the next podcast of THIS IS BIG GREEN. Uh-huh, that’s right – we personally assemble each episode by hand. (And no, that’s not the royal “we” – I in fact have a mouse in my pocket.) It’s painstaking work. Ironing out the dross, cutting the vulgarities, tuning up the music, tweaking the costumes (oh yes … we wear costumes on our audio podcast). It is details like these that make for great podcasts. Ours is not one, but … we use the same means that the greats use, with less than great results. I’m being honest, okay. YOU GOT A PROBLEM WITH THAT? (You do? My apologies.)

Okay, so that takes some time. What do we do with the other 23.5 hours in the day? Well…. we’ve actually got a project ahead of us. Yes, another project. It’s not one of those diorama things you used to build for show and tell – you know, a box depicting the battle of the Monitor and the Merrimac, with a starfish thrown in for good measure. Then if you do particularly well on your in-class presentation, you get a little reward – perhaps a star sticker, or an extra fruit cup at lunch time. That’s all good, until you run into that bruiser out on the playground, whose dad left town with some floozie from the Shriners circus last year, and who’s been going around with a chip on his shoulder ever since, and who apparently owns all the playground equipment because if you even go NEAR the see-saw he’ll break you in half, and …

Right… well, I strayed a bit. The project. Remember, way back in the year 2000, when we briefly hooked up with Dubya Bush while he was out on the campaign trail, sharing our interstellar tour bus with the soon-to-be president of these here United States? Well, it helps to know people – that’s all I can say. One introduction leads to another. Because of our experience with extraterrestrial constituencies, the Gingrich campaign has tapped us to be its liaison to the moon people. This could be huge, friends – one of us (Matt, perhaps) could be named ambassador to the moon if the Newt-like object is elected president this fall. How awesome would that be?

Tough commute? No worries. With gas at $2.50 a gallon, it won’t matter a bit.

Weird ass music since 1986