Try reversing the cabin pressure. That’s right – send it all out into the void of space. Oh, wait… we probably need the oxygen, don’t we. Scratch that. I said SCRATCH IT! NOOOOOO….!!
Oh, hi. Wow, THIS is embarrassing. Didn’t know anyone was listening/reading. I was just having a heated word with our navigator, the man-sized tuber. (Yes, that’s right – we have a plant for a navigator.) Got a little technical issue that needs some attention, that’s all. Wouldn’t want you to think that Big Green is hard on the help – no, sir… we treat them like KINGS. Emperors, really… especially the cruciferous ones like Tubey. He needs a little extra consideration, given his mobility problems. (Though the cart has helped these past few years, I must admit.) Don’t want to sound like I’m hyper-critical, but occasionally tempers wear a little thin in the vacuum of space, especially when you have some kind of deadly space virus loose in your vehicle, and the only thing your navigator can think of doing is EVACUATING THE CREW CABIN OF ALL ARTIFICIAL ATMOSPHERE. And while that may sound like a pretty good idea, there are a few problems with it. I won’t elaborate.
Well, anyway… how did we get here? Last you heard we were on Neptune. That didn’t work out so well, actually. Funny story. Our perennial sit-in guitarist sFshzenKlyrn went through the considerable trouble of entertaining the Neptunians while we were caught up in the time vortex (kind of a long, not-so-funny story), and by the time we arrived, they had had about enough of us. We ran through a few numbers – Why Not Call It George?, Quality Lincoln, Volcano Man, Ask For Leave, and a couple of others, but it was no good. Now, 
I’ve always said the Neptunian principal landmass audience is the greatest audience on the planet. (Actually, I’ve never said that, but I may start saying it from now on.) And I don’t want to start calling them out now. But those fuckers hold a grudge, to be sure. Their ears still ringing from sFshzenKlyrn’s extended shred-fest, they decided to take it out on us. And now mine are ringing too… ’cause they’re saying nasty shit about us.
Not only that, they appear to have loosed a rare virus on us as we were leaving their planet in something of a hurry. I call it “deadly”, but it’s really a bit more benign than that – 
which is to say, it only makes you wish you’d drop dead. I won’t elaborate, but man… I will say those Neptunians are damned vindictive. I mean, they could have tossed a celluloid stink bomb in the cabin as we were lifting off, or perhaps some kind of annoying noisemaker… maybe burdened us with one of their least favorite prison detainees (or stand-up comics, which would be worse). They might have hired a clown, for chrissake – anything but biological warfare. Cheese and crackers – that sFshzenKlyrn solo must have been lame as well as long. In any case, the somewhat reckless tactic of evacuating all of our breathable air seems to have worked like a charm. Now, as we head for our next destination, all of us are holding our breath. Not in anticipation, you understand. Simply because THERE’S NO AIR.
Never leave to a plant what should be done by a human. Or a Zenite. What the hell – back to rehearsal with us!
such a hopeless legislative clusterfuck as the Baucus bill. Maybe it’s our recent experience with the topic of global warming that nudges me in that direction. Think of it – a few short years ago our leaders were disputing the science of climate change with some confidence. Now that skepticism is the province of the tin hat patrol and the policy debate is over how much (or how little) to do about the problem. Too little, too late? We did lose precious years during the Clinton and Bush administrations (particularly the latter) when fundamental changes might have been set in motion, but were stonewalled. Those changes will come harder now, and perhaps to insufficient effect. Nonetheless, there was a kind of sea change in 2007 and I suppose something like that could happen with health care in America. If we could all recognize the existence of the problem and its fundamental nature, that would be a big step forward.
compromising right-ward from there, as if the “magic of the marketplace” still holds a great deal of promise in the wake of last year’s economic meltdown. The rhetoric, by and large, has been anything but inspirational. A lot of talk about “bending the cost curve” – whoa, there’s something that will get the rank and file heated up. And yet, single payer is avoided by the liberals and used as an epithet by the right… even when it’s clear that it would be the most cost-effective means of providing health coverage. I’m convinced that the reason why there is so much talk about “choice” in this debate is to undermine the case for single payer… as if “choice” of health plans is the highest value one can imagine. I’m in the goddamned private market, and what choice do I have? One freaking plan that pays for anything. That’s it. And I’m among the luckiest. Seems to me we should concentrate more on giving people security. Seems like we should think of it more like we do about our fire departments or other life-saving services. It’s really about having that reliable resource, not choosing between competing vendors as a value in itself.
Oh, hi, folks. Just reciting a few of Matt’s lyrics in advance of the next performance. Perhaps you recognize the song – a little number called “Volcano Man” from our last album, 
you, when we finally walked through the door, those fuckers were red as a beet and spitting blue fireballs. Of course, being Neptunians, this is natural for them. But don’t think they weren’t annoyed. I couldn’t help but notice how often they were tapping little text messages into their Neptunian PDA’s. For all I know they’ve been tweeting to the entire outer solar system what a flaming bunch assholes that Big Green is, and of course they would be well within their rights to do so. I think part of their ire is due to the fact that our sit-in guitarist 
quite simple.