Starts with “I”.

I’m not sure if it was Bush’s intention to come off like a paranoid lunatic last Tuesday when he commented on the national intelligence estimate on the non-existent nuclear (or “nuke-you-ler” in Dubya speak) threat posed by Iran, but he certainly succeeded in doing so. Iran “will be dangerous, if they have the knowledge to build a nuclear weapon,” he opined, giving a shrug of clueless arrogance that so eloquently expresses the inner workings of his tiny mind. Facts don’t matter – this much we know. And the facts have been problematic for our president and vice-president as they have tried to nudge the American people ever closer to the brink of another optional war. But they were just as problematic with respect to Iraq, remember – the administration had nothing and was working overtime to provoke some kind of confrontation, without success (to their quite visible frustration).

They’ve been working up an alternative to the nuclear scenario for some time now, as Seymour Hersh reported a few months back – certainly the basic facts in this new NIE have been known to Bush and his advisors since at least last summer. But no Iranian nuclear program certainly does not mean no war. Lord knows the administration and members of both parties in Congress have been ratcheting up the rhetoric on alleged Iranian “interference” in Iraq all year long. I know I’ve been over that ground before, so I won’t repeat myself. Suffice to say that our political leaders can always find a reason to send others into battle – that is certainly not unique to this age – and with the fiasco in Iraq now running at a steady simmer again instead of the rolling boil it reached a few months ago (providing you don’t count the corpses we’re generating), I’m sure they all feel as if we have one arm free. (Ask not for whom the dope shrugs… he shrugs for thee.)

So what’s next? We know the WMD gambit doesn’t work so well anymore. And the Iranian infiltrators toting E.F.P.’s story doesn’t seem to be getting sufficient traction, perhaps because only a handful of the “foreign” (i.e. non-U.S.) fighters captured in Iraq have proven to be Iranians. (Many more Saudis in that group, actually. Why doesn’t Bush want to invade Saudi Arabia? Friends there… many friends.) That leaves only the ever-useful fallback argument that we’re saving the Iranian people from their tyrannical government. The “liberation” of Iran – has a familiar ring, doesn’t it? Of course, that’s the kind of rationale you don’t hear much about until after the invasion… an appeal designed to make you feel guilty about saying you’re against dropping bombs on people. We’re bombing them to freedom! Trust me, when the Iraq war started, I was handed lame apologetics by otherwise reasonable people, and their rhetoric wasn’t much more rational than that. That was before full-blown ethnic cleansing occurred in Iraq, with more than 2 million exiles living in Syria and Jordan, 2 million more internally displaced, and the Iraqi government (and U.S. military commanders) reluctant to bring them back for fear that it may begin again. So, no… that dog probably won’t hunt, as the saying goes.

Nevertheless, Bush wants to invade some country that starts with “I”, and it’s obvious our pusillanimous Congress members won’t stand up to it. Guess it’s up to us.

luv u,

jp

The uninvited.

Couple in the next room, bound to win a prize. They’ve been going at it all night long. No, seriously – they’re playing some kind of video game in there, and I think they may just be on the verge of winning a trophy. Believe it.

Why am I reciting 36-year-old Paul Simon lyrics? Well, that story’s seldom told. I am just a poor boy… No, no, wait. There is a reason (and not one that turns out to be yet another P.S. song). Seems the planet we have landed on (third planet in the Cancri 55 system) is home to a race that’s real big on sixties acoustic folk-rock music. Of course, they think it’s all new – smoking hot platters ripping up the airwaves, straight from planet Earth. That’s ’cause Cancri 55 is 41 light years from Earth, and… well… those transmissions are just reaching them now, having crossed the trackless void of space these last four decades. Now revolution is in the air, my friends, and so is the Lovin’ Spoonful. All these Cancrites are wearing cheap leather headbands, big buckles, and fringy boots. There’s a lava lamp in every window. It’s… well… weird and unnerving, but who am I to criticize.

So what does this have to do with Big Green? What the hell, haven’t you been kept current on our last few dispatches? Marvin (my personal robot assistant)!!! Did you forget to file my column? Damn your eyes! File this week’s column twice, my good man, and be quick about it. Sheesh – hard to get good robot help up here (even if you import it). Where was I? Oh, yeah. Help. We’re stranded on this odd suburban planet, obsessed with yesteryear (or is it yester-light-year?), and what the hell, we’ve just got to earn our keep. Now before you ask, we did try to send Marvin, the man-sized tuber, and both Lincolns out to find day jobs. No luck. What about sFshzenKlyrn? Well…. he’s kind of casual, relying as he does principally on an internal fusion reactor like most celestial bodies of his class. (Not particularly class-conscious as a rule, our extraterrestrial friend does enjoy certain existential advantages over us mere mammals.) So we’re left to our own devices, as it were. I mean, what would you do? Huh?

Well… I was hoping you might have a suggestion there. Anyway, we’re brushing up on our sixties numbers. Matt seems to think we can pass ourselves off as The Cowsills or Dukes of the Stratosphere. (What’s that? They weren’t really a sixties band? So convincing….) Hence my efforts at total recall, bringing back all those songs I listened to as a wan lad. Here’s how we figure it….

  1. Learn some sixties numbers. What the hell, we’ve all had to play them at some point. Why not play them for extraterrestrials?
  2. Tuck in a few numbers that haven’t yet arrived here from Earth. Say we’re, I don’t know, the Rolling Stones. We can start playing tunes from Exile on Main Street and they’ll think we invented sliced bread.
  3. Cash in and buy spacecraft parts. Frankly, this is the whole point. We need to get our asses home.

Okay… if this totally doesn’t work, it was Lincoln’s idea – agreed? Good. He got us here in the first place, if you’ll recall. Back to rehearsal. What’s next? Red Rubber Ball? Oh, Christ! This place is a freaking nightmare! You, down there on Earth! Find a really, really long extension ladder someplace and prop it up in the general vicinity of the constellation Cancer. Do us a favor.

Talking peace.

When someone with a history like that of George W. Bush convenes a peace conference, it should inspire little more than joyless laughter. The fact that the focus is the middle east makes it doubly ludicrous. Dubya wants peace in the middle east? How simple is that? Just stop bombing the place, there’s a good chap. If peace is so bloody important to the bugger, why doesn’t he pull the troops out of Iraq and leave Iran the fuck alone? Simple answer – George Bush doesn’t care about black people, or brown people, or pretty much anybody outside of his circle of millionaire cronies. So, why hold a mid east peace conference now? Well, I’m inclined to agree with Israeli peace activist Uri Avnery (see his recent column here). You have three leaders who are politically on the ropes. Bush’s stock is pretty much in the toilet. Olmert is dangling by a thread, merely keeping the prime minister’s chair warm for someone worse (i.e. Netanyahu). Abbas, at best an invented leader, is now president of Eric the Half-a-Rump State. There’s practically no where to go but up for any of them.

This conference is what Avnery might call a not-so-funny joke. It has nothing to do with solving the Israeli-Palestinian conflict – it’s just a way of playing the “peace” card while continuing to press your war hand. It’s public relations, pure and simple. We’ve heard this not-funny joke before. In the early 90s, when the Oslo agreement was being implemented, Israel went right on building settlements on the West Bank, just like they had during the previous 25 years. Through Labor, Likud, and the current coalition administrations alike, they have continued to expand the colonization of the occupied territories regardless of the state of play between the Israeli and Palestinian leaderships. Step by step, block by block, Israel has systematically dismantled the economic and cultural infrastructure upon which the livelihood of every Palestinian depends, cutting their portions of the West Bank into isolated cantons, ripping up fruit groves, and erecting insurmountable barriers to nationhood in the form of separation walls, Israeli-only highways, and heavily fortified settlements… not to mention monopolization of water resources.

The demographic impact of this ongoing process has been devastating. A recent issue of Counterpunch includes some sobering evidence drawn from recent studies by UN agencies and others. But does this ever enter into “peace” negotiations? Is Palestinian suffering, both in the territories and in the diaspora, ever a factor? Right now the U.S. and Israel (along with a pusillanimous European Union) are strangling Gaza’s 1 million residents to death as punishment for last year’s election of Hamas and their failure to support the subsequent U.S.-supported coup against that parliamentary majority. In the midst of this gross violation of international law (see “collective punishment“), we are hosting a sham negotiation between Israel and a Palestinian president hand-picked by the Israeli government and dependent on Israel and the U.S. for his very survival. How can Abbas be considered a co-equal partner in any such negotiation? How can he be seen as representing the interests of the Palestinians when he has acted as an enforcer for the power that is grinding them down, day by day?

Make no mistake – the Palestinians voted for Hamas not because they are Islamists, but because they are independent of the Israelis. Hamas and the Palestinian people will accept an equitable two-state solution – it is the Israeli and U.S. governments that will not allow it. That’s why this “peace” conference is just more talk.

luv u,

jp

Weird ass music since 1986