Tag Archives: hammer mill

Usual Rubbish

This just in.

Getting some feedback on our recent episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN, the monthly podcast we wrap together with gaffer tape and bailing wire (whatever the hell THAT is), stuffing it full of discarded hammer components left lying around from a previous era here at the Cheney Hammer Mill. It’s a smart podcast … about as smart as a box full of hammer heads. Yep, yep … we’ve got at least one brain between us. And then there’s Marvin (my personal robot assistant). He has an ELECTRONIC brain.

Okay, where was I? Ah, yes. Feedback. What has it been like? Kind of a whistling, whining sound that drops in and out. I think I left the speakers on while we were recording. Annoying, but tolerable. I suppose you were thinking by feedback I meant audience reactions to the podcast. Oh, no … that’s not what I had in mind at all. I couldn’t possibly post those comments here. The FCC would jump all over my shit. (And likely they’ll complain about that last sentence, as well.)

What can be said, right? Some may have taken offense at the latest episode of Ned Trek, featuring Willard Mitt Romney and his talking dressage horse Mr. Ned. Others may have objected to the blank verse I quoted from the poet Google YouTube (the automated video transcription bard), to wit:

uh,
about that system work so if you can see the slow-speed and very moment
antiquated castle green too
this is reviewing
uh… or it’s it’s mean-spirited
means german personal assistant
stats apparently to
little it’s little bit please
know the other night
the other side of the form of walnut

Not half bad … not that I’m an expert at this sort of thing. Maybe we’ve just reached an age when verse is not all that dissimilar from randomly generated word combinations. Auto poetry … what a concept!

So anyway … we may start writing some songs this way. Start with raw lyrics, read them into a video camera, post the video to YouTube and generate the transcript. Then re-record it as a song. It would sound! (Ask your father where that comes from.) The pop music equivalent of re-fried beans or twice baked potatoes.

Keep those cards and letters coming!

Usual Rubbish

Stuff and … things.

Lots to say, nothing to think. Not usually a great combination … but it’s a positive boon when it comes to podcasting.

Enemy ears are listening
Hey... who knew?

So, how are you then? Well, I trust. Hope the foot trouble is better. That’s right, friends, we’re turning over a new leaf here at the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill. From now on, Big Green is going to be all about people. Good old retail public relations. Connecting with the folks – that’s us, Jack. (See? We even call you by your first name, providing your first name is “Jack”.) I’ve found that holing ourselves up in our basement studio mixing songs and swearing at each other is no way to run a rodeo, let alone a pop music combo. Neither is failing to settle our account with the local feed store, or dropping a box of tacks in the middle of main street. Verily I say unto you – none of these things redounds to the benefit of our public image.

Anywho, we’re tuning over a new leaf … a Big, Green leaf. We’re extending the hand of friendship to all and sundry. (Whoops … I’m sorry, that’s Awl and Sundree, the law firm that’s handling our squatter’s rights claim, pro bono, of course.) Part of that whole thing I’m yakking about is our podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN, now in it’s second big year. Every month, a fresh new assault on the ears and sensibilities. That’s how we connect with John Q. Public and Nancy K. Everybody, not to mention Rover T. Dog and Sprinkles A. Cat. Nobody is left out, nobody!

Fact is, that’s kind of a problem, too, I’m told. Why is that? Well, I’m gonna tell you. Our anti-terrorism adviser and former lean-to neighbor Gung-Ho has warned that not only “friendlies” are listening to our podcast each month. No, it’s not just mom and pop and the kids, and maybe grandpa out there in the kitchen, brewing the crystal meth. Because of our connected world, Gung-Ho tells us, America’s enemies may be listening as well. They may be writing down everything we say and using it as a weapon against us. Chilling thoughts indeed.

As we record this month’s podcast this week, we will remain vigilant, per Gung-Ho’s timely admonition. I should hate to think that we might inadvertently lend assistance to the “Axis of Evil.”

Usual Rubbish

Cheer up.

Get out of my room, Marvin (my personal robot assistant). You too, tubey. I’m having one of my captain sunshine days, as you can tell. In fact, I’m rear-admiral motherfucking sunshine today, mister.

This means war
In a bit of a mood today.

Oh, fuck…. I mean, fudge. Didn’t know you were listening in. Sorry you had to hear that outburst. Nerves are getting a little frayed around the hammer mill just lately. What the hell, I’ve been sleeping in an abandoned hammer-stock storage silo for the last 10 years, springs poking out of my mattress like in those old cartoons, the windows leaky and cracked, the mortar crumbling to dust between ancient bricks. Not to put too fine a point on it – this place is a DUMP. Now I know why they abandoned the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill.

What’s that? They condemned the place? What the hell, Marvin … you had that in your memory banks all this time? Weren’t you just dying to tell me at some point before this? Irrelevant?!? I’ve obviously got to talk to your inventor about upgrading your relevance sensor. To say nothing of your gaydar. The freaking boy scouts should hire your ass. (Damn, there I go again! Sorry, people of Earth.)

I’ve got a case of what’s called Dyspepsia Engineeris, an affliction that usually strikes individuals in the middle of a large music post-production process. Mixing an album consumes every ounce of your creativity, and hell … I’ve only got two ounces to begin with. Needless to say, we haven’t been producing new material, just finishing what’s already in the can. We have, however, dug up some old, previously unreleased stuff that we can play on our podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN, in the spaces where we might ordinarily have published new production. We’ll pour some of that in before it posts, I promise you. And one day, one day, we will return to making music (as opposed to merely mixing it).

Well … now that I’ve chased all of my friends away, I guess I can get back to … to … mixing. Arrgh.