Tag Archives: mansized tuber

Usual Rubbish

20 questions.

No, the moon is NOT a planet, nor a star. And you may THINK you just saw an ankylosaurus, but they died out 65 million years ago during the late Cretaceous. Don’t you know anything?

Christ on a bike, what the hell am I, anyway, a grade school teacher? How is it that people (and robots … and sentient oversized vegetables) can reach adulthood without knowing all this stuff? We may live in a very sheltered environment here in the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill (and I use the word “sheltered” very, very loosely here), but some light does peek in through the crack in the wall, and a bit of the real world does seep into our isolation. Once in a while. Happened last year, as a matter of fact.

You know what it’s like when it’s the dead of winter and you spend a stretch of days indoors – nothing but you, your personal robot assistant, and a man-sized tuber. Idle minds run in neutral. Ends up being a long game of 20 questions, for chrissake. But you have to keep the kids entertained, right? Otherwise, they start busting the place up. Marvin (my personal robot assistant) might try his hand at plumbing. That’s all anybody needs. (If that happened, I’d have to get the ankylosaurus after him.)

It's probably just a big dog, MarvinIt’s not all fun and games, you understand. Matt and I have been hard at work on another crop of songs that will be featured in the next episode of Ned Trek, the Star Trek parody we include in our THIS IS BIG GREEN podcast. We’re talking maybe five or six new songs, not sure exactly. It’s a bit like baking for the holidays. Some things come out right, others go into the compost heap. For Big Green, when a song goes flat in the middle of tracking it, we chop it up and put it into the mansized tuber’s flower pot. There’s usually enough nitrates in there to perk him up for a few hours. Waste not want not.

So, yes … Keep your eyes peeled. Not for stray late-Cretaceous throwbacks … for the next episode of our podcast. Should be coming through any … week, month … whatever.

Usual Rubbish

Plan ahead.

Is that where I left it? Oh, Jesus. Well … I’ll have to pick up another one, then. It’ll be long gone by now. Bloody inconvenient.

Work harder, not smokier.Oh, hi. Yep, I left my hand-carved walking stick at the bakery again. Second time this month. Last time, some old guy walked off with it … and yes, he was older than ME. Not exactly an heirloom, you understand. It’s actually just a branch that fell off the poplar tree in back of the Cheney Hammer Mill, by the canal. I cut some bits off of it, peeled back some of the bark, and voila! Cheap crutch.

Not that I need a walking stick. Fact is, I’ve been trying to stay close to the Mill as we plan our next interstellar tour. Nothing particularly ambitious, you understand – just a couple of the major star clusters, maybe a jaunt out to Aldebaran. (Matt’s not real crazy about that last one. The gravity’s a little strong for his taste.) I’ve asked Marvin (my personal robot assistant) to crunch some numbers on possible itineraries that might result in, I don’t know, a few extra shekels in our pockets. There’s some smoke coming out of his head, so he must be working on it. Good man.

Where’s the next episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN? Still in development, my friend. These things take time, particularly when you’ve got as full a plate like yours truly. Suffice to say that I am straining myself to the limit simply taking these few moments to write this post. Our production manager, the mansized tuber, is literally hitting me over the head for that script. Yes, tubey – I’m working on it! (Pssst … Don’t tell him I’m not.) It should be another extravaganza, perhaps unprecedented in its sheer stupidity. But don’t take my word for it …. Take …. someone else’s. Not sure where I was going with that.

Well, better get back to work. I’m typing, Tubey! Can’t you hear me typing??!

Usual Rubbish

Inside the May podcast.

Well, I’m back from watering the man-sized tuber. Never thought his personal life decisions would so dramatically affect my schedule, but apparently so. He has to be watered two or Could have picked a better spot.three times a day, and it looks like I’m nominated to be his personal gardener. By default. (Well, I can’t leave it to anti-Lincoln. He’d set the poor bastard root vegetable on fire!)

Anywho, this seems like a good time to talk about our May THIS IS BIG GREEN podcast and what you’re likely find lurking inside that largish mp3 file. Here’s the rundown:

Ned Trek XVIII: Captain Fricassee – This is a riff on the “classic” Star Trek episode “The Enemy Within”, in which the captain – in this case, Willard Mittilius Romney – is divided by a transporter malfunction into a good half and a bad half. Our version features a Romney doppelganger that embodies the southern reactionary buried within every conservative candidate for higher office. Gluttony saves the day. Don’t ask … just listen.

Song: Brotherly Love – a half-assed, live rendition of a tent revival gospel song originally sung by Robert Goulet on an episode of The Big Valley. Again… don’t ask. Sometimes we just do stupid shit, and sometimes the audio recorder is running … and sometimes those two things happen at the same time. That’s how a podcast is born.

Song: Going to Andromeda,  by Big Green – This is a song produced on a 4-track cassette portastudio back in 1991, I believe. Matt wrote it, and as it happens it’s one of my favorites of his songs (and that’s saying something). Lo-fi but worth a listen.

Song: Good Old Boys Roundup (Demo Version), by Big Green – This one we’ve played on the podcast before. It’s one of mine, and we’ve never finished a full-blown version of it. So it’s just me howling and strumming a guitar. And banging a piano. (And by banging, I mean playing … don’t put words in my mouth.)

The rest is talk … talk about dumb stuff. Bad movies, etc. You get the picture. Give it a listen sometime and tell me what you think. No, really – tell us and we’ll post your comments right here. Promise.