Tag Archives: music

Usual Rubbish

Inside the holiday podcast.

Ahem. Still bobbing out here in deep space. Nothing to keep us company but the echoes of our increasingly impatient throat clearings. Ahem!

Well, while we have so much time on our hands, time to crack open that big Christmas present we left all of you who subscribe to our podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN – namely, our annual Christmas Spectacular. What’s inside the box this year? Two solid hours of Big Green madness, including:

Ned Trek XV: Santorum’s Christmas Planet – This special, expanded holiday edition of our (un)popular Star Trek parody features six – yes, six – new Big Green songs, sung in character:

  • Christmas Shine – Captain Mitt Romney’s joyful rumination on getting full value out of his human resources throughout the holiday season. And he’s not going to say it again.
  • Horrible People – Mr. Ned contemplates the fate of all animals during the dangerous Yultide ritual celebrations. (Backing vocals by those ’40s guys.)
  • Dick’smas Xmas – Even the robot Dick Nixon keeps Christmas in his own way. This song gives you an idea of how that all comes down. Expletives deleted, mostly.
  • Doc’s Christmas – Full of crackpot prognostications and characteristic religious fervor, the right honorable Senator Reverend Doctor Thomas Beauregard Coburn belts out another keeper. Foghorn Leghorn is turning in his cartoon grave.
  • Lonely Little Neocon – Richard Pearle takes a moment away from more important duties to croon this tidy little number about how much he misses his favorite pastime – starting major conflicts.
  • Christmas Green – What’s the true meaning of Christmas? Let Captain Mitt explain it to you in no uncertain terms.

Let's talk about the podcast.This month’s episode features Rick Santorum, Mitch McConnell (sounding a bit like Walter Brennan), and others as Mitt and the crew encounter a fantastic world on which Christmas happens every other day (and twice on Sunday).


Song: Merry Christmas, Jane, Part II – A holiday rebroadcast of this selection from our 1999 album, 2000 Years To Christmas.

Put the Phone Down – We spend a lot of our conversation remembering our old friend and colleague Tim Walsh, who passed away unexpectedly in November. Tim played guitar with us way back in the day, and we spin a few old recordings of the band we had back then, which was made up of Joe Perry (keys), Matt Perry (bass), Phil Ross (drums) and Tim. These are pretty rough, but you can hear most of what’s going on.

  • Wind Cries Mary – Hendrix number with Tim playing lead guitar. (This starts with an end bit from another recording that features Tim hammering out a blistering Neil Young style solo.)
  • Colors in the Darkness – Song written, arranged, sung, and recorded by Tim while we shared a flat in Castleton-On-Hudson, NY. The first section is all Tim; the second is excerpted from the entire band playing the song out.
  • Nothing To Hide – Another original song by Tim, which he sings. I think we recorded this at my parent’s house in New Hartford, NY, in maybe 1984.

Anywho … that’s the run-down of the show. Let us know what you think. We’ll have our people float a message in a bottle-rocket out to us.

Usual Rubbish

Under the hood of lost September.

Is this the new itinerary? Looks like last week’s. Which, if I recall correctly, was a hastily updated photocopy of the flight path for Voyager 2. That mission didn’t end well, my fine friend, just you remember.

Yes, yes … we are still preparing the ground for our upcoming interstellar tour to support celestial sales of Big Green’s latest album, Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick. The itinerary thus far includes stops on gas giants, molten moons, and frozen asteroids hurtling into black holes. Couple of snags, that’s all. Nothing to get excited about. (Man Jack Jesus, this band has to work like an animal to find an audience.)

In the meantime, we have plucked the lost September episode of our podcast THIS IS BIG GREEN from the jaws of non-existence (if such a state of being can be said to have anything resembling jaws), and good thing, too: we needed an October episode very badly indeed. What’s it all about? Well, you could give it a listen. Or you could just ask us … and if you did, we would most likely tell you it includes:

Big GreenAnyhow, the “lost” September episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN includes:

Ned Trek XIII: Specter’s Stepchildren. Our running satire of Star Trek, Mr. Edd, and the Romney presidential campaign continues with this gripping episode. Mr. Welsh is being coaxed into serving as a sound engineer for powerful aliens who force songs out of Mr. Ned, Mr. Pearl, Rev. Doc Coburn, and Willard Mittilius himself…. with hilarious consequences. Five (or is it six?) new Big Green songs, never before heard, one sung by a horse, one sung by a robot Nixon, one sung by space aliens (accompanied by John Ashcroft), one sung by a chickenhawk neocon (guess who). Don’t miss it.

Idle conversation. As usual, Matt and I ramble on for about 20 minutes about vital issues of the day, random snippets from days past. We talk about our dad, about space probes, about god knows what. Something else, I’m sure. No spotlight songs resurrected from the past this month – we spent our song quota in the Ned Trek episode.

That’s what we’ve got. Now, back to travel plans. Where’s that sextant?

Usual Rubbish

What’s in the box? (part 3)

Holy mother of pearl. My throat is in shreds. Just got done with a 23-page script for the next episode of Ned Trek, a now-regular feature on our podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN. Spoiler alert: I do the voice of Reagan. Well….

All that yakking can make a man sore tired. And tomorrow I play the 47th in a 194-part series known as the reunion gigs of Puttin’ on the Ritz, a band of many, many strange people (and I am one).

But that is not what you’re here for, to be sure. No, no, I’m sure you’re anxious for me to conclude my three-part explanation of the 21 songs contained on Big Green’s new album, Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick. It’s like waiting for the next episode of Downton Abbey or Breaking Bad … except that those things are, well, good-ish.

Anywho, here’s the splainin’ … and then, to bed, damnit.

Santorum From Behind – Sounds obscene, I know, but it’s necessary, believe me. Now that he’s out of the race, Rick is just trying to give old Mitt some helpful hints about that that object in his rear view mirror that’s closer than it appears.

Santiny – A meditation on Santorum, the Rick with the unsearchable name. I hear he keeps a fetus in a jar … a fetus named “Santiny”. You gotta pray.

Big GreenAw Shoot – In a world beyond time … Okay, this is like the theme song to a bad Euro-Sci Fi flick, except it’s about Rick. Unnamed German band takes the long view of Rick’s run, with hilarious consequences. Aw …. shoot.

Am I Really Rick Perry? – A thoughtful Rick contemplates the nature of his own identity, the thingness of things, the rightness of right, and so on, bidding a fond farewell to Andy Breitbart. Kind of a fifties vibe to this one. L.S.D. did exist then, didn’t it?

Poor Dick – Our cousin’s hero, Dick Cheney, is in trouble deep. Who better to save his considerable bacon than Ranger Rick himself. What’s the caper? Find a suitable ticker for transplanting into the heart of darkness. Poach it from another true believer… with hilarious consequences. Another country number, pure and simple.

Flying Up Ricky – Hit with the rapture, Rick disappears into thin air, leaving behind a crew of lamenting braceros, ever grateful for his able abuse. Ah, gratitude. A bit of ersatz salsa on this one.

Lone Star – Our cousin finds his true calling at the Lord’s side during his temporary sojourn in the great beyond, remembering all there is left for him to do in his desert home. Think Susan Boyle after a sex change operation (and major throat surgery).

What’ll You Do Now, Rick? – Next steps are always tricky, expecially when you tripped over most of the previous ones. Someone drafts a legend for Rick. Rock-ish.   

It Should’ve Been Me – The last word from our good cousin: “You’re never alone in Texas when you can play with your dong.” Country exit reminiscent of country entrance.