Tag Archives: music

Usual Rubbish

Unique opportunity.

No, this isn’t spam. This is real life. Real as it gets, man. Gravity, oxygen, water, the whole nine yards.

This is what we need. I was just thinking back to the bad old days in the 1970s when television was king and the internets were just a twinkle in DARPA’s eyes. On about five million occasions – maybe slightly more than that – I can remember watching an ad for 120 Classical Masterpieces introduced by the well-known character actor John Williams (not the classical guitarist … nor the composer of the Lost In Space theme song). Now that we are on the verge of releasing our third and perhaps silliest album ever, Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick, I only wish we had a marketing powerhouse behind us like John Williams. Or even Guy Williams. (Except that he‘s dead too!)

Looks like, once again, Big Green will do the legwork on our own. We have some volunteer help, as you know. Marvin (my personal robot assistant) will tell all of his robot friends to download the album. (They don’t even need a freaking smart phone!) The man-sized tuber will be in charge of rural distribution; we’ve provided him with the requisite maps of Nebraska and Idaho. The rest of the country will be handled by the two Lincolns, who – as candidates for the presidency – have tread that ground before with great success. We have great hopes for anti-Lincoln, who has made some friends in Nashville. (Actually, that’s Nashville, Franklin, Idaho. Look it up.)

Yes, distribution is always a headache when most of your fans live on other planets. There’s a cost-benefit issue in trying to ship discs via UPS to Neptune; it’s hard to make that $9.95 per unit generate a profit against the transportation costs, even with our interplanetary handling surcharge of $45,682.53 per disc. Add in the exchange rate headaches, particularly in the Quatloo zone planets, and it’s hard to make your nut that way. Still, we try. Mitch Macaphee has some ideas involving matter transportation technology. All very hush hush at this point. We’ll let you know.

Hey, we live on crumbs. It’s the art that matters, right? That’s why we’re assembling an all-star panel of reviewers for our June podcast – experts who will examine Cowboy Scat from multiple insane perspectives. So stay tuned. This may be the best batch yet.

Usual Rubbish

Stuff and … stuff.

What the fudge. Mother of pearl. Is that the phone again? Take it off the hook – I’m busy, damn it. Busy as John Henry.

What am I doing? Working on our new album, Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick. A decidedly low-tech collection, recorded in the clammy basement of the abandoned Cheney Hammer Mill hear in soggy upstate New York, hammered out with great care and aplomb, dropped out of a three story window, and tied in a bow for your enjoyment. We hope you will be pleased, most pleased. Or at least, not angry, like our landlord, who is demanding all of the proceeds from our album sales in return for 47 months of back rent. (Turns out someone owns this dump after all. Who knew?)

Anyroad, yes, yes, I’m working on a CD package for the limited run we will be burning, mostly for giveaways. Cowboy Scat is going to begin life as a digital release, for the most part. We’ll send a copy to Nashville, one to Texas, one to Wyoming, and a few more of those big, square states out there. The drier the better. We may even send you a copy, one one condition: Don’t Tell Rick!

Yeah, Cousin Rick might be sore when he hears these songs. Can’t blame us. We merely culled them from the score of a musical whose libretto was lost on Lake Tahoe in the 1970s and never recovered. A musical that somehow predicted the meteoric presidential ambitions of a man barely out of short pants by that time. A truly prophetic work! Had it lived….

So, why am I doing the album art …. again … after such a mediocre performance on our previous albums? Simple answer: we are cheapskates. Why the hell else would we be squatting in this abandoned mill for the past ten years plus?

And as they say, it’s the stingy man who pays the most. So … back to my payment plan. Keep those cards and letter coming.

Usual Rubbish

Into the pod.

Hey, why wouldn’t I want to explain our podcast? You think it speaks for itself? It’s only a little podcast; it needs someone to run interference. Not so hard to understand.

Did you listen to this month’s podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN, the May 2013 episode? I’ll take that as a no. Still, you might be missing out on something extra … well … strange. Wouldn’t want to be the only one who didn’t partake, right?

This was a relatively lively episode, full of bright sallies of wit and infinite jest. Here are some highlights (and no, I don’t mean the magazine most often perused in dental office waiting rooms):

NED TREK X: A PLEA FOR ARMS – Our latest installment of our increasingly possible podcast dramatic series, Ned Trek, featuring Captain Willard Mittilius Romney, commander of the starship Free Enterprise, and his talking dressage horse / first officer Mr. Ned. This time out, Willard leads a landing party back to one of the outerspace backwaters he attempted to convert during his callow youth. Special guest star is …. (that would be telling!)

PUT THE PHONE DOWN – Matt and I talk through a broad range of topics and pull news from the pages of the October 1941 issue of Country Gentleman. Care for a Lucky, anyone? It’s the cigarette recommended by 6 out of 10 doctors.

SONG: Surprise Party – This recording was made back in 1987 on a four track Tascam portastudio casette machine; another deep archival bit, rescued from a murky past. Written to mark someone’s birthday.

SONG: Don’t Tell Rick – First posting of a rough mix of our new song, Don’t Tell Rick, which will accompany the release of our new album, Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick. We are having second thoughts about all the stuff we said about Rick, obviously, and well, he’s got guns and rangers. Any questions on that?

SONG: Dinos – We’ve played this number before on the podcast. This has got to be the most ridiculous recording we’ve ever made, but you be the judge. I simply can’t say anymore.

Hey, may … download it. It’s freakin’ free, which means you, too, can afford it.