Tag Archives: Ned Trek

Usual Rubbish

Where’s my show?

Okay, so … where is that script again? Not written yet? Jesus. That useless scriptwriter. Why the hell do we use him, anyway? I should just do it myself. What’s that? Oh … I am the scriptwriter this month? Right. Never mind.

Well, if you’re wondering where this month’s episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN is, um … apparently, I haven’t written it yet. Actually, in point of fact, I haven’t finished writing it yet. Why? Funny story, actually. We’ve been a little busy this past month, what with the arrival of Spring and the advent of extreme weather, out of control vulcanism, and occasional lapses in gravity. No, wait … that’s what’s happening on my favorite sci-fi show. I meant to say, with the discovery of a new element and the isolation of the Higgs … Ooops, that’s what’s happening in the physics research lab. What’s really keeping me from that script is … well …

You know what happens, right? You have something to do, and two months to do it. And you think, hell … I don’t have to start right away. I have stacks of time, right? A week passes, then two … before you know it, the deadline is looming and you’ve done NOTHING. Okay, to be fair … I shouldn’t say YOU when I mean ME. There’s no dressing it up, I’m afraid. I am a lazy freak, shiftless as the day is long. When I think of my serial failings, oooooh, it makes me so MAD!

Not how I roll.Right. Glad I got THAT out of my system. Actually, I have done a draft of the next Ned Trek episode. I’ve submitted it to my copy editor – Matt Perry. I’m HIS copy editor. We edit each other’s work, cutting bits out, adding stuff in, until we’re left with god knows what. That’s why our episodes seem kind of, well, thrown together. That’s the creative process at work, my friends. The chaos goes in before the name goes on.

Then there’s the songs that go with the show. We’re still in production, after a fashion. Our sessions are brief and frenzied, but occasionally productive. Matt yanks out a guitar and starts strumming. I pound on the piano. The wheels turn slowly, but they turn … so keep your eyes peeled.

Usual Rubbish

String theory.

That thing is way out of tune … I mean WAY out of tune, dude. Use my phone. No, not my SMART phone … that Bell Princess phone over in the corner, next to the mansized tuber. The dial tone is a low F#. Just transpose, for chrissake. DIVAS!

Yes, you’re listening in on another Big Green rehearsal. It’s like you’re a fly on the wall. In the Cheney Hammer Mill, that makes you inconspicuous …. not because you’re so small, but because there are so many flies on the wall, you meld in with the multitude. Anyhow, we’re running through a few numbers, putting down tracks, laying in a groove, etc. etc. Sometimes it’s hard to keep all of these various stringed instruments in tune with one another, especially when the city cuts off your electricity, your internet connection, your phone service, your water, and your air. (That last cut-off only happens on Type-M planets.)

No, we haven’t had our electricity cut off this week (yet), but life is still bloody complicated. Four-string bass guitars are hard enough to tune; try a six-string acoustic! Don’t even talk about pianos and organs. (No, really … don’t even talk about them. An off-color word can make them slip out of tune.) Fortunately for me, my keyboards are of the electronic variety, so tuning is as simple as turning a little knob or clicking an item in a graphic user interface. Or pushing on a bender and securing it with tape. (Non-standard method.)

Still flat as a pancake.Matt and I are putting the finishing touches on the next batch of Ned Trek songs. When I say “finishing touches”, I mean “adding essential musical elements without which the songs would be virtually unlistenable.” Details, details. In any case, we have six (or is it seven?) numbers under construction, some of which border on the blasphemous, others tinkering with long-held practices of civilized peoples, still others merely dabbling in the art of giving grave offense. A controversial collection? Depends on your point of view.

Important side note: No animals or humans were harmed in the making of this music. Though Marvin (my personal robot assistant) has suffered slightly from mechanical wrist overuse syndrome (or MWOS), as he is our defacto percussionist.

Podcast

THIS IS BIG GREEN: April 2015


Big Green celebrates the arrival of Spring in the Northern Hemisphere with a spanking new episode of Ned Trek, 2 Big Green songs, and some bad imitations of famous people who richly deserve it. Heads up.

This is Big Green – April 2015. Features: 1) Ned Trek 23: Doo-Dah Dancing; 2) Song: Aw, Shoot, by Big Green; 3) Put the Phone Down: Daddy, please don’t; 4) At home with the Hatfields; 5) Oom pah pah; 6) Jolson, the toothless freak; 7) Song: Poor Dick, by Big Green; 8) Thoughts of Sagan; 9) Time to go.

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