Tag Archives: This Is Big Green

Usual Rubbish

Advance!

You did what to the whom? When was that again? Christ on a bike – I thought you agreed to stop running these freaking rogue operations out of the basement. What’s that? You ran it out of the attic? That’s not the point!

You did what, now?Ah, hello. Just caught me in the midst of yet another dressing down of Marvin (my personal robot assistant) who, apparently, has some kind of crackpot entrepreneurial streak wired into him. (I need to talk to his inventor, the mad scientist Mitch Macaphee, about this.) Every time I turn around … and I mean every time, like, if I were to turn around right now it would happen … he’s got some new racket going. It’s like living with an audio-animatronic P.T. Barnum. Only with slightly less calliope music.

What’s the latest? Well, Marvin has been taking advance orders on our upcoming album, Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick, a collection of Norwegian carpenter songs … I mean, songs from a now-lost rock opera about the trials and tribulations of our cousin Rick Perry, Governor of Texas … an album which is now in post production and almost ready to rumble. (I understand the musical itself was lost over the side of a pleasure craft on Lake Tahoe … rumor has it, anyway.) Even before we’ve pressed the first MP3 in that painstaking way we do (note: we use a panini press to squeeze all the goodness into every compressed file), Marvin has rifled money out of our market with the promise of delivery later this year.

I see a couple of problems here. First, Marvin has only been taking orders from extraterrestrials. That raises some ethical questions, of course, but also pragmatic ones. For instance, how do we deliver on orders from Aldebaran Seven, placed by etheric entities only Marvin can see with his advanced optical scanners? Even more importantly, how do we bank “money” that is in the form of microwave transmissions from a distant galaxy. I think those are generally considered non negotiable currency here in the U.S. of A. Not on Aldebaran Seven, however.

Bottom line: We’re going to have a legion of hopping-mad Aldeberans after our sorry asses when we fail to fulfill these orders. Bloody robot! Second time this month!

Usual Rubbish

Scatology.

That’s right, it’s “crab nebula”. What does it mean? How the hell should I know? What am I, some kind of astronomer or something?

Jesus Christ on a bike (which he may well could have been, had he lived in modern times), your brother goes and writes a song lyric and the next thing you know people expect you to tell them what the Sam Hill it means. If I knew that, then I would know what the hell Matt is talking about half the time when he talks … and I clearly don’t, even though he is my own flesh and blood. He ain’t heavy, he’s my brother. It’s his songs that are heavy. Mucho heavy, baby.

What song am I being asked about? Well, it’s one of the tracks on our forthcoming album … I mean, collection, entitled Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick. (Rumor has it the songs are part of the soundtrack of a musical about our cousin Rick Perry, but that the musical itself was lost over the side of a pleasure craft on Lake Tahoe.) The song in question is called “Evening Crab Nebula”, and it takes the form of three pieces of sage advice to Cousin Rick from one of his political consultants; one pep talk regarding his primary opponents; one cautionary trope about unseating a president; and this observation about the dangers of being too devout in your beliefs:

If you’re gonna’ follow that evening star
better be sure how wise you are
If you’re gonna’ follow that evening star
better not follow it all too far
or you’ll be choked and froze in the vacuum of space
Can’t treat the Crab Nebula
like it’s there to direct yuh
by pointing out some pertinent
biblical place

Now is that so hard to decipher? Well, of course it is. All political advice is that way, right? That’s why those consultants get the big bucks. (Where have I heard that lyric before? Hmmmm….)

Usual Rubbish

Enter the pod.

The thing is, you have to take a crowbar to the lid, like this. Unggh. Unggggh. Arrrgh! Okay, that’s harder than it looks.

Visual Approximation of Podcast
Visual Approximation of Podcast

Oh, hi, stalwart friends of Big Green. It is I, Joe of Big Green. Just caught me in the process of trying to get the lid off of the latest episode of THIS IS BIG GREEN, our very popular (in the plant kingdom) monthly podcast, just posted over the last couple of days and ready for download. We want to give people an idea of what they can expect when they download this sucker – all 1 hour and 45 minutes of it, or thereabouts. Wouldn’t want you having to cope with a pig in a poke, especially a porker of those dimensions. You have a right to know what’s in that great big bag of stupid… and know you shall.

Here’s what’s included in March Fiendraiser 2013 (our bogus fundraising episode), to wit:

Ned Trek VIII: The Corn of Ozark Five – Captain Willard Mittillius Romney and First Officer Mr. Ned (the talking dressage horse) are invited down to a little get-together with Louie Gomert, governor of Ozark Five … only to find their commander thrown into a titanic battle, mano-a-mano, with a hideous creature from beyond space already. Introduced by former Secretary of State and War Criminal at Large, Dr. Henry Kissinger.

Put The Phone Down – Our monthly gab session covering a range of topics, from birthday wishes to the entire universe, this month in dead famous people, strange reappearances, and so on. We also shake the tin cup for financial support. Or at least moral support. (We have even less morals than we do financials.)

Previously Unreleased Big Green tracks – We toss up three recordings like skeet and invite you to blow them to bits with your pump rifle of music criticism (talk about tortured metaphors!). Two demos from our 2008 International House album project; one that didn’t make it onto the final album, a song called Round Up; the second a demo version of Matt’s song Come Back Home. There is also a new, first-draft recording of a song we used to play in our terrestrial live performance days – a song called The Milkman Lives.

So listen in good health, friends. As always, let us know what you think … even before you think it.