Well, I’ll be a positive particle in a negative universe. Is that really what deutronium costs these days? Outrageous! Don’t these mothers know there’s a recession going on down here?
Hi, friends. Just caught me going over the list of necessities for our upcoming interstellar tour de force. Here’s an item destined to cause trepidation. Radioactive deutronium fuel – $5,600.00 per pint bottle. Jesus H. Christmas. I guess prices on Aldebaran have been anything but stable over the past year. (The Aldebarans were heavy investors in Bear Stearns, rumor has it.) Not sure why they need to earn it back off of our asses, but there you have it. Anyway, it’s on the list because, as you may have surmised, Big Green has indeed secured transport for our tour. I’m glad to be the one to tell you that it will not be one of those Korean missiles. No sir, this is a proper space vehicle. Or so we’re told.
Fact is, we took Matt’s advice and called the guy in Jersey about that J-2 spacecraft old Irwin Allen dreamed up. He was more than happy to oblige – pretty broad minded of him, considering the mess we made of that vehicle when we leased it a few years back. Some of you remember –
crashing on a desert isle, modifying it for a seafaring voyage, etc., etc. It was a bit worse for wear when we got back, needless to say. I suppose if they had a rating system for spacecraft renters, we’d probably only get one star. Even Marvin (my personal robot assistant) felt a bit embarrassed by our rank carelessness with another person’s property. (This was all the more remarkable since embarrassment hadn’t been programmed into Marvin by that point – Mitch Macaphee had, in fact, programmed it out and replaced it with joy…. yes, unbridled JOY.)
Ahem. Of course, there are other things on this list. Things like guitars, amps, drums, etc. And some other little things we call songs. That’s right – we don’t merely perform our compositions, we carry them around in plastic tubs. Some of them – like the Quality Lincoln trilogy – are a bit heavier than the others. That’s just a question of relative mass, you see. More song = more mass. And by the transitive property of musical heaviness, the heaviest songs are most likely to have the biggest 
impact. It’s like throwing a hammer at a wall. If it’s one of those little featherweight rubber hammers that come in a child’s carpentry set, the wall won’t mind at all. But if it’s a big old drop-forge hammer of the kind that used to be made at the Cheney Hammer Mill, well…. that wall will duck if it’s got the sense the god of walls gave it. I mean, hell… wouldn’t you? Think about it.
Well… I’ve wandered a bit. Better get back to my listing. Hey, man-sized tuber! How many bags of those cedar chips do you need for eight weeks or so? How many? Cheese and onions…. this is going to cost the earth. Get back to loading those songs, hey will you?
insurance. In America, it really takes a major illness to know whether or not you have what could be termed adequate coverage (and if you’re one of the 47 million who have no insurance at all, the question doesn’t even arise). But the utter failure of this system shows up in the little details as well. Not to bore you with my personal foibles, but for the last five or so years I’ve had dental insurance… which means, in my case, if I have any substantial work done – crowns, for instance – I can expect to pay $1,000 out of pocket instead of $1,600 (assuming it happens no more than once a year). Don’t know about you, but that grand is a little hard to put my hands on, so I tend to throw it on the old credit card and whittle it down month by month. That, in miniature, is one illustration of how people can get into serious financial trouble simply by being unfortunate enough to get sick or injured. 
of “lemon socialism”; privatize the profitable part of a business and socialize the costly part. The government provides coverage for the elderly, the poor, the infirm, etc. … all of the folks who require more care. That leaves the rest of us to the marketplace, where these massive private health insurance companies can decide who to cover, whose bills to pay, etc. Young and middle aged workers tend to pay in more than they take out of health insurance – by leaving them out of the government system, we create a situation where that system will inevitably run massive deficits over time. If we all participated in the same system, the healthy would compensate for the chronically ill, the elderly, etc. That’s the way it works in other industrialized countries – it could work here.
Good god, man. Whatever happened to the spirit of adventure? We never used to be so risk averse. We used to bear to the left and take chances. Now look at us. (You can use a smoked glass lens, if you prefer.) We’re worried about lack of gravity, lack of oxygen, exposure to radiation – what a bunch of wimps! The only one who’s really not intimidated by any of this is the mansized tuber. (At least he hasn’t said anything about it to me.) Fact is, we have to do these tours on the cheap, what with a recession on and all that. Money’s tight, and our corporate label is even tighter. They don’t even want to budget for us, let alone a ship to carry us in. Looks like we’ll be relying on comped meals again. Ever try to get a free lunch on Uranus? Hah. Take it from me – it’s even less appetizing than it sounds.
Leader is so very fond of. Mitch reasoned that, in as much as that type of rocket had successfully put a satellite in orbit just a few short weeks ago, it would probably serve us well. When I pointed out that the thing had actually, well, fallen apart and crashed into the ocean, he seemed a bit irked. It’s almost as if he wants us to crash and burn. Sometimes I wonder about Mitch. What kind of mad science advisor is he, anyway?
winter. (I think the plows hit it – terrible thing.) So Marvin (my personal robot assistant) had little to add to this debate. Fact is, he’s thinking about joining the Marvin Depreciation Society, a facebook group devoted to “Marvin the Paranoid Android”, who is a character in Douglas Adams’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. I think Marvin is having a slight identity crisis over the fact of the other robotic Marvin’s existence, and is hoping the depreciation society will devalue the other Marvin, thereby enhancing his own value. Yeah, it’s complicated. (In addition, he and Professor John Robinson had words the other day, so it could be the Jupiter 2 option is off the table.)