All posts by Joseph

Not said.

Last debate of the presidential season this past week – #49, I believe – and it was kind of hideous, in my view. Someone in the McCain campaign must have given their man the word to look at Obama, not just once, but frequently. And for god’s sake, don’t look too angry… try to smile from time to time, even when you’re looking at the Muslimy Kenyan guy who hangs with terrorists. Well, McCain appeared to have taken all this advice a bit too literally. For long periods while Obama was speaking, the Republican nominee leered at his opponent with a strange, pasted-on smile, leaning back stiffly in his chair, his eyes glassy, almost zombie-like at times. I know I’ve commented on this before, but McCain looks for all the world like someone applying anger management techniques in the most exhausting way. He has that tendency to deliver a speech in that slow, sing-song fashion, like he’s talking to preschoolers just before nap time. It’s like somebody squeezed a wolverine into a rabbit suit – that’s the John McCain I saw Wednesday night.

Of course, a lot went unsaid and I don’t know why, except that maybe neither candidate feels all that strongly about any of it. Stuff like, well… Iraq, a war that’s still killing and maiming way too many people. (Don’t think so? Look at Juan Cole’s regular synopsis of news from the region.) I know this was a “domestic issues” debate, but really… it can go pretty much anywhere the candidates want it to go. Why didn’t Obama ask McCain if he opposes the draft “security pact” that calls for total withdrawal of U.S. forces by the end of 2011? (Can you say “timetable”?) Presumably McCain opposes that – let’s get him on the record, eh?

How about Social Security? Not much, if anything, said in these last three debates, though I’ve learned that “Joe the plant”… I mean, “Joe the (right-wing talk show regular) plumber” thinks it was a bad idea. This very useful information aside, voters have been provided with virtually no information about either candidates intentions regarding S.S., particularly McCain’s rehash of the perennial G.O.P. plan to save the program by bleeding it to death. McCain doesn’t believe current workers should pay into a fund that supports current retirees…. but that’s precisely how S.S. works. It isn’t designed to individual retirement accounts – it’s designed to be a guaranteed minimum supplementary pension for any worker and/or spouse who reaches retirement age, regardless of whether they’ve been lucky investors or not. (And, as such, it’s been an immensely successful program, keeping old folks out of abject poverty for more than sixty years.) Like all Republicans and many blue-dog Democrats, McCain hates the idea and would rather hand the trust fund money over to the Wall Street pirates he now excoriates on the campaign trail, so that if a worker nearing retirement encounters a downturn (like right now) or is just unlucky in health or fortune, s/he can go to the soup kitchen for his/her pension.

There’s a lot else that wasn’t discussed – missile defense, private military contractors, politicization of the Justice Department, domestic spying, arbitrary detention, pre-emptive war, etc. What did get discussed, aside from the opinions of “Joe the plant”, was McCain’s idea of what constitutes a threat to the very “fabric of our democracy” – i.e. a volunteer organization like ACORN – and the fact that the “woman’s health” exception in anti-abortion legislation is some kind of extremist pro-abortion dodge. Sweet guy.

Oh yes… and Bill Ayres is a “terrorist”. Like McCain friend G. Gordon Liddy. Like every Republican’s friend Luis Posada Carriles. Like McCain booster Oliver North. Like still-president George W. Bush.

luv u,

jp

Between floors.

Is this the emergency alert button? No? Okay – the red one. Gotcha. Now… which one is the emergency telephone? No, I’m not an idiot! It’s goddamn dark in here!

Well, we’re off. Off the bottom of the elevator shaft, at least. Whoever thought a space elevator to Aldebaran was a good idea? Oh, yes… Mitch Macaphee. Our mad science advisor. Creator of Marvin (my personal robot assistant). Winner of the coveted Igor prize for depraved experimentation. Yes… that Mitch Macaphee…. he is the guy who thought of this seriously under-engineered contraption. Hey, we fucked up – we trusted him. Not one of us (with the exception of Matt) has any familiarity at all with the concepts of mad science. If we’d done our homework in Mrs. Buehler’s class, we might have known better. But no, not us… we just read our comic books (most entertaining!) and traded our lunch money for second-hand smokes (cough!). In the meantime, geeky kids like Mitch were collecting the knowledge that would make them all-powerful later in life… if occasionally inept.

How did it all happen? Well… I’m gon’ tell yuh. We packed all of our gear into the space elevator. It was a tight fit, to be sure. Anti Lincoln insisted on bringing at least a representative sample from his anvil collection. Then of course there was the man-sized tuber’s terrarium – as necessary a piece of equipment for him as a breathing apparatus or twin-cylinder beer hat might be for us. (Don’t let anyone tell you not to breathe or drink in space.) I won’t even talk about how much kit old Mitch Macaphee hauls along with him. He needs a fully equipped electro-atomization laboratory everywhere he goes, including the goddamned bathroom. (I reached for a bar of soap the other day and ended up with a handful of plutonium dust. Fortunately, Mitch assures me it’s harmless.) I could go on, but…

…I will! Now Marvin needs to walk on stilts everywhere because of a bet he made with Big Zamboola. (He lost, apparently.) So he practically fills the room vertically every time he staggers in, and Zamboola fills it horizontally. Anyway… the bloody space elevator got so jam-packed with personal effects that the laser-beam cable it rides on actually started to fray. We couldn’t reach escape velocity because of the drag, and now we’re bobbing in orbit like an enormous yo-yo. (Look, ma… Earth’s walking the dog!) This doesn’t leave us with a lot of good options. I mean, we can’t carry news of our new album, International House, to Aldebaran in a bucket! So we’re left with a choice between:

  1. Bobbing pointlessly in space for the rest of eternity;

  2. Climbing back down to Earth on a fire rope; or

  3. Finding a used space craft… fast!

Fortunately for us, there appears to be one or two used capsule options up here. I can see one through the porthole right now – “Dimitri’s Pre-Owned Soyuz”. Sounds like the place for a deal.

Out now.

Skipped a week on you. Well, no sweat, friends, because today I’m loaded for bear. And no, it’s not just because the Republican party is playing their usual race-baiting, terror-scare election game (no surprise). It’s also because our two running wars are politically off the table, or – worse yet – are seen somehow as a stronger issue for that septuagenarian crank McCain, who was dead wrong on Iraq from the beginning and shows every indication of making the same type of error again and again.

I read an Associated Press article the other day that nearly blew the top of my head off. The Bush administration is still negotiating its “security pact” or status of forces agreement with the government of Iraq, of course, and the Iraqi position is that they want the last U.S. troops to leave their country by the end of 2011, unless they request us to stay (and we, of course, agree). Our negotiators are trying to talk them out of it. Why the fuck are they doing that? And why the fuck won’t the press and the politicians bring that point up a bit more often? If Iraq wants us out, why disabuse them of that notion?

This should be a problem for McCain. If it hadn’t been for him and the administration, our military people (including our National Guard, which never should have been sent there) might have been out of Iraq by now, or at least well on their way. The “surge” is just a stage prop for McCain – it has had little to do with the marginal reduction of violence in Iraq, and a whole lot to do with the scores of Americans and god-knows-how many Iraqis killed since its implementation more than a year ago. Violence is down (not gone) because a) the Mehdi Army is observing a cease fire, b) many Sunni insurgents chose to join the “Awakening Councils” and take the Americans’ money rather than continue fighting a civil conflict they were destined to lose, and c) ethnic cleansing in Iraq is substantially complete, with the country (and particularly Baghdad) divided into sectarian enclaves, some walled off from one another. The place is still a tinder box where people fear to wander out of their own neighborhoods and killings occurring at what would be considered a sickening pace anywhere else. (See Juan Cole’s blog for daily news out of that sorry country.)

Then there are the refugees – millions of them in Syria and Jordan. Most will likely never return home again. Their neighborhoods have been overrun by partisans of another sectarian group, their homes taken over, their lives threatened. The A.P. ran a story the other day about an Iraqi embassy program in Syria offering a free trip home for refugee families, plus incentives totaling about $1,800 U.S. This past Tuesday they opened a registration center in Damascus – no one showed up. Bupkis. This will be a problem for some time to come, and I suspect these refugee populations will not only strain the resources of the host countries (one of which – Syria – is being scapegoated and strangled by us) but provide a rich breeding ground for future extremists. Perhaps some of Hosni Mubarak’s “1000 Bin Ladens” resulting from the Iraq war will be raised in these camps.

Still, McCain assures us that the surge is “working”, that victory is at hand, and that a democratic Iraq will reduce Iranian influence. Is he lying or just stupid? Iraq is a majority Shiite country (like Iran) ruled by political parties once exiled in Iran (one of the main coalition parties – the former SCIRI – was formed in Iran). Democracy can only mean closer relations between the two former belligerents. (McCain – if you’re confused, ask Lieberman.)

Bottom line, to quote the late great Molly Ivins: Get. Out. Now. Why the hell isn’t Obama saying this?

luv u,

jp