All posts by Joseph

Welcome worn out.

Amazing thing happened this past week: the Iraqi government appears to have actually represented one of the main concerns of the nation it purports to represent – namely that the occupying army of the United States start making definite plans for withdrawal… that is, total withdrawal from their country. One spokesperson for al-Maliki actually talked about a timetable for pulling out. Now, this is the government the Bush administration is so very adamant about protecting. The mere mention of a timetable on this side of the ocean is an invitation to be denounced as a “surrender monkey”. Those who’ve advanced the idea are roundly accused of undermining the Baghdad government, whose stability has been bought by the blood of our soldiers, etc. And yet, this is the opinion of the vast majority of Iraqis, so it’s little wonder Maliki would bring it up a) while status of forces agreement talks are going on, and b) when there are elections coming up. Maliki’s party has a slight problem with being seen as an indigenous political movement (i.e. Dawa and SCIRI were exile parties, SCIRI formed in Iran with help from the dreaded Revolutionary Guard). This is their version of a gas tax holiday, I suppose.

Either way, it seems we’ve been asked to leave. That can only mean one thing, if history is any guide: time for a new Iraqi government. This issue is a bit more complicated than it used to be, of course. Even though there are some paleolithic imperialists in the Bush orbit, I doubt they have the bottle to pull an outright coup d’etat, like we used to in the good old bad old days. Iran’s Mossadeq, Guatemala’s Arbenz, Chile’s Allende… even a longtime asset like South Vietnam’s Diem was dispatched with little thought to what would follow. In Vietnam, it was one desperate general after another, until they settled on the reliably fanatical Nguyen Van Thieu, who seemed more than content to preside over the utter destruction of his country under relentless and unprecedented American firepower. His predecessors were ejected most often because they were caught seeking some kind of rapprochement with the NLF. Not what Washington wanted then… or wants now.

Different war, different time, right? True enough. But the principle still applies. Suppose for a moment everything goes swimmingly in Iraq, from the Iraqi perspective. Suppose there’s a serious and deep reconciliation among the various sectarian and ethnic groupings, and that they all agree on one thing – that they want us to go home. Would we leave? I doubt it. As I’ve said here before, we didn’t invade Iraq to leave it; we came to stay, maybe as long as 100 years, as McCain suggested. (The oil would certainly be tapped out by then.) The administration and its allies have become very frank about wanting a military presence there to secure access to the second largest oil reserves in the world (and among the most profitable, as well). We’re building permanent bases and trying to push a status of forces agreement on a nation we basically destroyed over the course of the last 18 years. In the current atmosphere of rising gas prices, I’m sure our politicians believe that Americans will tolerate such a long-term commitment if they believe affordable gas may be a result. That remains to be seen… but will Iraqis tolerate it?

My guess is no. And though this hasn’t been an ultimatum, we may well be feeling that door hitting us in the ass quite soon.

luv u,

jp

Put it down.

Move that comma a few words to the left. Okay. Now how about a stroke around that casaba melon? Don’t think so? Why not? Hate melons… good reason. T’hell with it.

Oh, right… this is being recorded for posterity (or some approximation thereof). Hello, everyone. Glad you could stop by. Just lending a little guidance here – nothing pressing. We’re in the process of creating a CD cover (CD? What’s a CD, mommy?) for our new album and, well, it’s a slow, painstaking process… particularly when you don’t have certain basic conveniences, like… a designer, for instance. Now that would come in handy. As much as I’m against outsourcing, we did attempt to put this particular job in the hands of some extremely cheap, non-union surrogates in the subcontinent. Or so we supposed. (In the age of the Internet, who truly knows where anyone is? Why, I could be right here. Or over…. here! Or maybe even…… here!) Confused? Yes, so am I. Let me see if I can ‘splain you.

Okay, so we’ve got the master of our new recording, International House. And we showed it to our rapacious corporate label, Loathsome Prick (LP) Records. And they saw it, and knew it was good. And lo, there was heard in the land a low braying and a gnashing of teeth. And we were sore afraid. For it was the Vice President of Marketing, Gertrude Al-Kabar, and her razor sharp eye was trained on the cheap cover we had fashioned out of used newspapers and tacky glue recovered from a direct mail envelope. “This is an abomination!” she cried, and the other members of the management team nodded in grim agreement. And lo, our cheaply fashioned cover was tossed to the ground and spat upon, whilst foul curse-words were cast upon it, and it was laid low and forever damned.

Okay, so THAT didn’t go so well. Anyway, the LP team suggested we outsource. Gertrude gave us a lead on some firm she had encountered in her email inbox that very morning. So we followed it up, sent the proposal, and they went to work. Actually, the process went surprisingly fast. In fact, those subcontinental designers were quite intuitive. It seemed like they knew what we wanted before we even told them. Then one night last week, when Matt was up watching his Peregrine Falcons, he noticed the man-sized tuber working furiously on our one Web-connected computer terminal. This seemed odd, as… well… he doesn’t have hands, exactly. But his little root tendrils were clicking furiously across the keyboard, and it took no time for Marvin (my personal robot assistant) to determine that tubey was, in fact, the outsourced labor we’d been corresponding with. Mystery solved.

All that money and effort, for what? To enrich one of our own? What a bloody waste! Worse, since we caught on to his ruse, the tuber has not been taking direction very well. Too much vegetation, damn it. What are we, landscapers??

Amalgaman.

Seems like more than a few people are appalled at what appears to be Obama’s recent lurch to the right. Actually, I think some of the stuff he’s saying now is more like where he’s been politically since walking onto the national stage four years ago. In spite of a lot of the hype about a liberal voting record, the O-Man is no George McGovern (sadly). He’s been hugely cautious since becoming a U.S. Senator, and whereas he has the rhetorical gifts to advance progressive positions (particularly ones – like universal health care – that tend to be popular to begin with), he doesn’t have those issues deep in his gut. I think this is a textbook case of political relativity. Here’s how it works: At the beginning of the election cycle, when there are eight or more members of your party contending for the nomination, there’s a fair chance that one of them is going to be somewhere close to your way of thinking. So you might back that person, and if s/he fails to make the first cut, you might look at the remaining contenders for the next best thing. Like… starting with Kucinich and moving to Edwards, because he seems closer to Kucinich than any of the other remaining Dems.

Still with me? Bully! Okay, so say your Edwards drops out, and you’re left with the somewhat uninspiring choice of the DLC-powered Hillary Clinton, who voted to authorize Bush’s endless war in Iraq (i.e. gave a drunk a loaded bazooka) and Barack Obama, Mr. Ultra-Cautious, who spoke out against the war when he was not in a position to vote on it, and has since voted to fund the war. In that match-up, Obama may feel more like a committed progressive, even if he isn’t one. He’s just progressive relative to the other remaining candidate (Clinton). Now, as the presumptive Democratic nominee, he stands against McCain, who has been busily burnishing his right-wing credentials (on alternate Tuesdays). This allows Obama to embrace his inner “moderate”, and still seem progressive relative to McCain. At the same time, the tendency is for the winning candidate to assume some of the policies of the other contenders, thereby broadening his/her appeal.

So… you end up with this candidate who’s an amalgamation of all these other candidates – like someone added them all up and figured the average. As it happens, that ends up being somewhere around where Obama lives politically. What happens next? What the hell am I, Kreskin? Well…. here’s my guess (since I asked). Obama will play the muddle in the middle for the next few weeks. Then he’ll do something like what Gore did in 2000 – just before the Democratic convention, he’ll deliver some firebreathing populist speeches to get the base energized, knock a good one home at the convention, and use that as his basic stump sermon for the rest of the campaign. If he’s elected (big if), he’ll go back the that middle-ing Amalgaman place before inauguration day. My guess – no guarantees.

Our problem is simply that no candidate in this race is proposing the kind of tectonic policy shift that would be commensurate with the problems we face. That can only come from us. Election day is just the beginning.

luv u,

jp