Where the hell is Marvin (my personal robot assistant)? Tubey? What the hell… is everyone out for a freaking curry? Right, right… I’ll just open the mail bag, then. High time too – a few more pounds and it will collapse into a black hole, and that would be the end of everything.
Okay, okay – I exaggerate. No need to worry. Got a couple of missives to open here. Let’s start with something that bears domestic franking….
Dear Big Green,
Hate to seem like a prick, but where the hell is that album you’ve been yakking about these past five years?
– Furlin McGreevey, Basinstock, Idaho
Hi, Furlin. Thanks for writing. And no worries – you’re not a prick. (If you were, you’d work for our record label.) Fact is, I sympathize with you totally. I’ve gotten so sick of waiting for Big Green to release their next
album, I’ve thought about resigning as head of their fan club. (Didn’t have the heart to do it, damn it.) Fact is, we’re running out of excuses… so it looks like we’re ready to release that sucker after all.
Here’s another letter, from Amanda B. Freakowitz of Toronto…
Dear Big Green ,
Whaaaa-aaat??
Best,
Amanda
You heard right, Amanda…. that’s exactly what I said. Our long-awaited sophomore (or sophomoric) album is ready for release, bar the packaging, replicating, frisbee-tossing, etc. Tentatively titled “International House,” it contains 16 tracks of new material from yours truly and will soon be available at a pawn shop… I mean, record store near you. (And perhaps more than one pawn shop as well. It’s time I got my shoes back. These corns are killing me.)
Here’s one more letter, this from sMyrzGlorp FhZhyzllnyk of the Crab Nebula…
gyRmanTiall, Big Green….
Tuaoo dlAT,k lsdjTlbmok b-Yulandros itsat Megaphone delplehzrnyk funBanoldmental rzaphhhhuyllll.
vootie,
sMyrzGlorp
Thanks, sMyrzGlorp. Sure, the mp3s will be available online. Probably all the same places 2000 Years To Christmas can be found, but I’ll definitely keep you posted. Sounds like a bad cold you’ve got there. Better get some rest. And tell uTlksjnorbiar I said vootie.
Okay – got to run. I can hear the boys returning from the curry palace, the aroma of mutter paneer wafting up the staircase. Save a little for me, tubey – there’s a good chap.
more relevant a news feature than the story about astronauts voting in space that ran a few days earlier on ludicrous Morning Edition.) The McCain guy had worked for prominent Republicans before, of course – namely Trent Lott and Donald Rumsfeld. That’s right – Lott, the retrograde southern conservative politician who was so reflexively racist that he made a comment he couldn’t back away from even in the wake of the G.O.P.’s 2002 congressional electoral victory… his foreign policy adviser. And, of course, Donald Rumsfeld, undoubtedly the most disastrous Defense Secretary since Robert McNamara (middle name: Strange)… How reassuring to know that McCain is getting the same advice Rummy enjoyed. So… what did this adviser to great minds have to say about the war in Iraq? Well, the NPR interviewer (Robert Siegel) stuck to narrow issues relating to the “metrics of success”, as Rumsfeld might have put it. McCain’s man bobbed and weaved a bit, saying we can start thinking about leaving when Al Qaeda is defeated. Asked how we would know when that had happened, he told Siegel they will be defeated when they are no longer a strategic threat. What does that mean in concrete terms? Ahem.
Five years into the occupation there is a strong institutional disposition toward maintaining the Iraq enterprise. While the Republicans express this in terms of continuing the current policy, in essence, the Democrats will talk about a residual force to protect the massive U.S. embassy (forbidden city, really), train Iraqi soldiers and police, and “fight terrorism” in case al Qaeda raises its profile again. That’s what the Obama camp is saying – not exactly a radical departure. This isn’t anything new, of course. The U.S. presence in Vietnam involved a substantial institutional investment that almost no American politician wanted to completely back away from. (The French colonial experience in Vietnam perhaps even more so.) So don’t think pulling the lever for the O-man is going to end this war. The war will end only when we insist upon:
dropping in on our various European allies, mugging with the crypto-fascist Sarkozy (perhaps comparing notes on how to be slightly less unpopular than he is right now), and generally doing all he can to undermine any chance of a reduction in international tensions. He took a few ceremonial swings at the Iranian punching bag, made some thinly veiled threats against Syria, etc. Quite a performance. What a pity he has to come home so soon. Wouldn’t it be great if he just kept traveling until after inauguration day? Though I suppose it doesn’t do any harm for people to see him around the White House with some regularity, if only to serve as a grim reminder of how idiotic we were to put him there in the first place. Not that a simple trip to the gas station shouldn’t be enough to accomplish that.
kind of political Irwin Allen. It’s almost as if things were just waiting for him to arrive before they started totally falling apart. (Some things, of course, took a little coaxing.) Hell, even his “success stories” are disasters. More U.S. soldiers are dying in Afghanistan, for instance, than in Iraq. And while they are portraying Iraq as quiet and safe, it is still too dangerous for any of the 4.5 million refugees to return home, as Amnesty International has pointed out. For many, there are no homes to go to. They brought about a Bosnian-style ethnic cleansing, and now that it’s over, they call it success. Except that we can’t leave… because it’s not over. Got all that?