Tag Archives: Rick Perry

Usual Rubbish

What’s in the box? (part 3)

Holy mother of pearl. My throat is in shreds. Just got done with a 23-page script for the next episode of Ned Trek, a now-regular feature on our podcast, THIS IS BIG GREEN. Spoiler alert: I do the voice of Reagan. Well….

All that yakking can make a man sore tired. And tomorrow I play the 47th in a 194-part series known as the reunion gigs of Puttin’ on the Ritz, a band of many, many strange people (and I am one).

But that is not what you’re here for, to be sure. No, no, I’m sure you’re anxious for me to conclude my three-part explanation of the 21 songs contained on Big Green’s new album, Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick. It’s like waiting for the next episode of Downton Abbey or Breaking Bad … except that those things are, well, good-ish.

Anywho, here’s the splainin’ … and then, to bed, damnit.

Santorum From Behind – Sounds obscene, I know, but it’s necessary, believe me. Now that he’s out of the race, Rick is just trying to give old Mitt some helpful hints about that that object in his rear view mirror that’s closer than it appears.

Santiny – A meditation on Santorum, the Rick with the unsearchable name. I hear he keeps a fetus in a jar … a fetus named “Santiny”. You gotta pray.

Big GreenAw Shoot – In a world beyond time … Okay, this is like the theme song to a bad Euro-Sci Fi flick, except it’s about Rick. Unnamed German band takes the long view of Rick’s run, with hilarious consequences. Aw …. shoot.

Am I Really Rick Perry? – A thoughtful Rick contemplates the nature of his own identity, the thingness of things, the rightness of right, and so on, bidding a fond farewell to Andy Breitbart. Kind of a fifties vibe to this one. L.S.D. did exist then, didn’t it?

Poor Dick – Our cousin’s hero, Dick Cheney, is in trouble deep. Who better to save his considerable bacon than Ranger Rick himself. What’s the caper? Find a suitable ticker for transplanting into the heart of darkness. Poach it from another true believer… with hilarious consequences. Another country number, pure and simple.

Flying Up Ricky – Hit with the rapture, Rick disappears into thin air, leaving behind a crew of lamenting braceros, ever grateful for his able abuse. Ah, gratitude. A bit of ersatz salsa on this one.

Lone Star – Our cousin finds his true calling at the Lord’s side during his temporary sojourn in the great beyond, remembering all there is left for him to do in his desert home. Think Susan Boyle after a sex change operation (and major throat surgery).

What’ll You Do Now, Rick? – Next steps are always tricky, expecially when you tripped over most of the previous ones. Someone drafts a legend for Rick. Rock-ish.   

It Should’ve Been Me – The last word from our good cousin: “You’re never alone in Texas when you can play with your dong.” Country exit reminiscent of country entrance.

Usual Rubbish

What’s in the box? (part 2)

Here we are again, man. Week is almost over and, what the hell, time to get back on the blog again. Get right back up on that bronco! as Lee Majors would say. Yee-haw … and the rest of it.

Big GreenSo, where was I? Oh, yeah. I was offering explanations for all of those 7 million songs on our new album, Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick, now appearing on iTunes, Spotify, etc., etc.  I believe I left off with “Awesome Hair”. Oh, Governor Scott’s got a glowin’ dome. Governor McDonnell’s got some slop on his top. And so on. Here’s some more ‘splainin’….

Evening Crab Nebula – A resurrected song from Matt’s holiday mix tapes past, re-worked and repurposed to tell part of “cousin” Rick’s wacky election story. Picture a high-paid, low-I.Q. consultant, giving Rick his best advice while standing on one foot. He’s singing this freaking song.

Falling Behind – The news is not good, Rick. Not good at all, man. Look at the polls. Dropping back behind God knows who. T’ain’t never lost a-fore, but there’s a first time for everything. Banjo solo!

Limping Back to Texas – Cousin Rick goes back home to collect his thoughts and a have a little talk with his maker, who sounds strangely like a two-bit Levon Helm impersonation. (You can even hear Salvation Army horns in the background … and a banjo!)

Devil Romney – An embittered Rick rails against a somewhat unaccommodating God as the final nail is sunk into the coffin of his presidential ambitions. Dang you, uncle Jebus!

Endorsing Newt Gingrich – Just what the title says. Rick gives his endorsement to the former speaker, with obvious ulterior motives. Real cranky little country jam.  

Come Back Mean – Dang! Losin’ elections sure can make a man ornery. Next thing you know, a cowboy is likely to go home and do anything he likes … like shut down Planned Parenthood … like force ultrasounds on pregnant women. Deep in the heart of you.

More later. Just watch.

Usual Rubbish

What’s in the box?

Lots going on these days. New podcast, new album, new burnish on Marvin (my personal robot assistant) … everything is new around the hammer mill these days.

Big GreenThis might be a good time to talk about our new album, Cowboy Scat: Songs in the Key of Rick … namely, what’s on it, what complex themes, tortured melodies, and convoluted stories are behind each track. Isn’t that the era we live in? The age of the “back story”, where every reality show has interview sequences in which the stars talk about how they feel about the bogus melodramatic scene they were just in? Yeah, well … we’re not doing that.

Here’s a little run down of the tracks, until I run out of breath. (There’s twenty-one of them, for pity’s sake!)

Fed Up – This is the opening manifesto, the raison d’etre for Cousin Rick Perry’s political ambitions, in which Rick lays out his grievances with the federal government, creeping socialism, intrusive gravity, and what-not. Style: real, down-home country music, served up on a chipped blue plate, just the way you like it. Haw.

This Cracker’s in Paradise – Cousin Rick has a dream about being president, singing “Jesus came a-voting, and I have reaped divine right.” He shares his vision for the first term of the eternal Perry Presidency. Style: funky power ballad. Or something.

Savin’ Myself for America – All right, so running for president isn’t a dream. Turns out it’s hard! But Cousin Rick is determined, right? Style: hint of Roy Orbison rockabilly.

North Camp Pasture – A dirge-like ode to Cousin Rick’s hunting camp formerly known by another name, and the sordid history that follows him like a rabid dog. Style: folk ballad.

Sing, Rick Perry, Sing! – The story of Rick’s rise from young man on the prairie to politician to the crackhead Governor of prayer. Style: well, it varies a bit from country walk to primitive dance to 60s rock sing-along.

Awesome Hair – Hey, who can deny it? Cousin Rick has some fabulous folicles. How does he do it? Only his hairdresser knows, and he’s dishing up the recipe in this number. Style: swing with the Satchmo dial turned up to seven.

To be continued…